It's no secret that co-parenting can be rough. Especially if the parents start dating other people.
Well, I recently stumbled across this post in the "Am I the Asshole" subreddit where a mom flipped out when her baby daddy gave his new kid the same name as their 10-year-old. Here's the full story:
BTW, if you've never heard of it, r/AmItheAsshole is a place where people can ask folks on the internet to weigh in on if they're being an asshole or not in certain situations.
"A little bit of context for you all: I ended up falling pregnant with my 10-year-old daughter during a drunken hookup with a friend in my mid-twenties. Not the most glamorous or flattering truth, but it's the truth all the same. When we found out, we decided to keep the child and co-parent while remaining friends. We were never a couple, and we didn't want to be one either."
"Four years ago, he began to date his longterm girlfriend, and they moved in together last year. She fell pregnant, and I've been supportive to them both as much as I could be without crossing any lines. I've encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she's staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave. I've also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship despite having different mothers."
"I've even said that if they were comfortable with it, on nights I have my daughter, I'll babysit once they have the baby so my daughter can spend time with her sibling."
"All in all, I thought everything was great, and I was excited for my daughter to have a sibling as she's always wanted one, but I had no interest in having another child. Three days ago, my friend and his girlfriend had a daughter. They asked me to bring my daughter to the hospital to meet her little sister yesterday alongside others of the family. So I did exactly that, but when they introduced us to the baby, I was shocked. The name they'd used was my daughter's name."
"His girlfriend didn't seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby, bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn't look at me directly. I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend's father said he'd take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her."
"My friend told me to calm down and not overreact while his girlfriend told me she didn't see the issue, and it was a pretty name. I asked them if they'd named the baby for my daughter, trying to understand the logic here, but his girlfriend said no, it was just a pretty name she liked. I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing her on a daily basis, and her response was that she didn't see a need for that."
"I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn't do this. I then told his girlfriend that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this. He tried to claim our daughter could use a nickname, but I shut that down immediately, asking why it was more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade to change her name compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was yet."
"His girlfriend told me I was being a bitch talking to her like that after she just gave birth and asked the nurses to remove me, saying I was being disruptive. Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though, and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It's just so fucking weird."
In an edit, OP added, "I know what they want to name their child is their choice — they could have called her Dinosaur for all I care — but this is one name that should be off-limits. They even have the same surname as they have the same father. Something about it just felt malicious and deliberate, as if she's trying to replace my daughter. And for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting? No, that was weird."
As you might imagine, there were tons of responses for this one!
In case you're not familiar, people usually respond with one of four options: YTA (you're the A-hole), NTA (not the A-hole), ESH (everyone sucks here), or NAH (no A-hole here).
Most people said this mom is not the A-hole:
"NTA. From the outside, it sure reads like she wants to replace her partner's affection for his first daughter with his new baby. Of course it's creepy."
"NTA. I'm usually a very big defender of nobody owning a name and anyone using names they like. But that is just all sorts of messed up."
"NTA. You may be right to assume the GF is probably jealous of your daughter and trying to replace her. Not healthy. IMO, this was deliberate and not innocent, even if they claim it to be. I am going to take a wild guess that the GF orchestrated the name reveal at the hospital intentionally to generate evidence and throw you out from hospital and from the guy's life. She knew her behavior would warrant a scene, and she crafted a get-out-of-jail card even before committing the crime."
And many pointed out what a nightmare it'll be for the sisters to have the same name:
"NTA. I'd be thinking about legally changing your daughter's last name to your surname so that there's no issue with legal confusion later in life (thinking passport, bank loans, driver's license, credit, etc.)."
"NTA. They hid this for a reason. He was embarrassed for a reason. The same FIRST and LAST name is going to cause both those girls a lifetime of issues, especially with the same father. I usually would have a bit more sympathy for a woman who just gave birth, but she seemed deliberately cold and cruel towards your daughter to have done this."
But a few people thought everyone sucked here:
"ESH. Yes, this is a weird choice. The fact that they don't see that it's weird is weird. But you are also causing a problem — making a scene in the hospital like that is not fair on anyone and not helping. This is likely a bridge you are burning that might not've needed to have burnt. You are also assuming a lot about their intent and process — perhaps they genuinely haven't thought of the problems, maybe they think it'll be cute. I suggest you apologize for overreacting if you still want a relationship with them."
"ESH. While them naming her the same name is weird AF and can cause potential issues in the future, you also acted as a complete AH. To demand and forbid things that have to do with THEIR child, and to cause such drama that you had to be removed from the room — to act like this towards a woman who just gave birth — is a no-no."
And some thought that OP was definitely the A-hole:
"YTA. They can name their kid whatever they want. It is not your kid. And calling him spineless was way into asshole territory. You should have left it at, 'Aww man, that will get difficult to keep track of.' Now, you have potentially ruined or soured the relationship your daughter could have with her new sister."
"YTA, but hear me out. It's weird to have Child X in your life, and then to have a baby and name it Child X. The fact that the father didn't straight up veto having two kids by the same name is weird AF. But here's the thing: You don't own the name. You didn't carry the new baby. For you to be upset about someone else's decision AND to lash out in the hospital room you were invited to does make you the asshole. YTA if you think your actions were justified and your timing appropriate."
Personally, I think it's ridiculous that OP's baby daddy and his girlfriend chose the exact same name. There are THOUSANDS of pretty names out there, and this is, like, the only one that should absolutely be off limits. I'd be pissed, too! But now I'm curious: What do you think about all this? Is OP the A-hole? Does everyone suck? LMK your opinion in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.