IDK about you, but I loveee going to weddings. Catching up with family/friends, dancing for hours, eating good food, celebrating love — I'm here for all of it!
Well, I recently stumbled across this post in the Am I the Asshole? subreddit where a wedding guest had a very different experience than I normally do at receptions. U/NoAlcWedding12345 attended his best friend's wedding, realized there was no alcohol, and made a scene. Here's the full story:
BTW, if you've never heard of it, r/AmItheAsshole is a place where people can ask folks on the internet to weigh in on if they're being an A-hole or not in certain situations.
"One of my (M35) best friends (M34) got married last week. He drinks alcohol, and our friend group will meet up at breweries a few times a month to hang out. His fiancée, now-wife, does not drink. It's never been a part of her life."
"My wife and I got a hotel room by the reception space and Ubered to the wedding. The ceremony occurs, we go to what's supposed to be cocktail hour, and there was just soda and water. No alcohol. This was not something we knew about ahead of time. There was a palpable buzz among our friend group at the lack of booze. A lot of us had spent money on a hotel room and Ubering, anticipating drinking. I'm kind of pissed."
"Bride and groom come to cocktail hour, everyone cheers, and when the bride and groom come mingle with us, I ask, 'Where is the booze?' His new wife chimes in, saying her family does not drink, and they were paying for the wedding, thus no alcohol. I tell them we should know that ahead of time. I say I wasted money on a hotel room and Ubering. I would have just driven if I'd known or maybe not even had come."
"The bride does not take my commentary well and implies I might have a drinking problem (I don't; I only drink with my friends). The groom says I don't need to be such an asshole. I reiterate that I spent a bunch of money on something I didn't need — we all did. The bride's pissed at me and asks me to leave."
"My wife and I leave, but it's clear I touched a nerve. In our group chat, friends were mixed on me saying something. My wife said I wasn't wrong, but my timing was wrong. So, was I the asshole?"
As you might imagine, there were tons of comments for this one!
In case you're not familiar, people usually respond with one of four options: YTA (you're the A-hole), NTA (not the A-hole), ESH (everyone sucks here), or NAH (no A-hole here).
Tons of people said OP was the A-hole:
"You said this to someone who is supposedly your best friend at his wedding? What is wrong with you? YTA. I hope he finds some better friends now!"
"What did OP expect to be done about it? Would an apology from the bride and groom make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Doubtful, because there still wasn't alcohol. Did he expect a full bar to magically appear? My general rule is that you don't mention an issue unless there would be a quick, easy solution that would rectify the situation. OP, there's no way they could have fixed it for you within a few minutes, so you should've kept your mouth shut."
"YTA. The point of weddings is to celebrate the couple, not to get smashed."
"Imagine getting mad at someone who has spent thousands of dollars for THEIR wedding (or in this case, the very kind parents) on a venue and to feed you, and being selfish enough to complain it wasn't good enough. Who does that? I'd honestly never speak to someone who told me if they knew there wouldn't be alcohol, they wouldn't have come to my wedding."
Others thought the blame should go to the bride and groom for not telling everyone it'd be a dry wedding:
"NTA. People should tell their guests there’s not going to be alcohol served. The reality is that most people don’t want to mingle with a bunch of people they don’t know and not even get a drink out of it. If your wedding is dry, make it clear. Like you said, you spent money you wouldn’t have otherwise because they didn’t say it was dry. Going to someone’s wedding isn’t as much fun as the couple thinks it is, and finding out you spent money on gifts, clothes, travel, hotels, and don’t even get a drink at the party is…disappointing. If you know ahead of time, you can’t complain. But not telling people is shitty."
"An extra YTA to the groom for knowingly keeping this quiet with HIS friends, thereby letting the bride take all the blame."
"95% of (Western) weddings have alcohol. Most people I know go to a wedding because it's the one night a year they're permitted to let loose. If you want to have a dry wedding, absolutely go for it! I've been to dry weddings that are great fun, when we knew what we were walking into. But springing it on guests who don't abstain from alcohol just isn't cool. A 'cocktail hour' without cocktails is a lie. That's a fact."
And many took a nuanced view:
"ESH. It doesn't sound like the upset is so much about the lack of alcohol, but the fact that he (and others) spent unnecessarily on Ubers and hotel because this fact was not communicated. The words chosen were poor, and it's not nice to say that you might not have come while at the reception. That said, people really should have a heads up if it will be a dry wedding. Don't list something as cocktail hour if there are no cocktails. Should say something like 'Social hour. Sodas will be served.'"
"NTA for being annoyed. Most dry weddings suck, because while people don't (or shouldn't) need alcohol to have fun, they do need SOMETHING to have fun. Being crammed in a room with family and strangers for hours on end with nothing to do is not most people's idea of fun. Dry events need to recognize this and have games, etc. for people to engage in and break the ice. YTA for bringing it up at the wedding. It's too late to change anything at that point, so all you're doing is whining for the sake of it and creating bad blood where there didn't need to be any."
"OP, YTA — not for being upset that you spent money on an Uber and hotel room when you didn't need to (that's fair). But for telling your friend, the groom, AT HIS WEDDING that if you knew there wasn't alcohol, you might not have even showed up. Like, damn dude. It was definitely a hosting faux pas for them to not let you know it was dry, but wow, your response was over the top."
Personally, I agree with the nuanced takes. I think OP should 100% have kept his thoughts to himself instead of making a scene. Why ruin their day?! But I also think the couple should've informed their guests it'd be a dry wedding — especially since the groom goes out drinking with his friends, so he should've known they'd pay for hotels and Ubers to drink there, too. But now I'm curious: What do you think of this whole mess? Is OP the A-hole? Everyone sucks? LMK your opinion in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.