21 Things That Will Probably Happen To You While Breastfeeding
At some point, you may accidentally shoot the wall.
1. In the beginning, you will be pretty sure your nipples are going to revolt and jump off of your body to escape.
2. You will start saying things like "nipple butter" without batting an eye.
3. You will have an incredible rack.
So firm. So perky.
4. You will understand the struggle of a dairy cow in a new way.
5. You will know the strange feeling of unsheathing a boob in public.
6. You will have to get used to the even stranger feeling of teenagers and general mouth breathers staring.
7. At some point, you will probably have to milk yourself.
8. The phrase "crying over spilled milk" will take on new meaning.
9. You might breastfeed an adult at least once.
10. You'll realize that boob science and water balloon science are kind of the same.
11. You'll be tempted to see how far you can actually shoot it.
12. At some point, you will succumb to curiosity and taste the stuff.
13. You will watch as your sweet innocent baby transforms into a rabid boob shark.
14. If you like popping zits, you're in luck. Clearing clots is WAY FUCKING BETTER/WORSE.
15. You'll probably leak through your shirt without noticing.
You will never stop wondering if anyone else picked up on it before you did.