JWoww's Husband Just Might Be The Funniest Dad On Instagram
I can't wait till his kids are old enough to read the captions.
Jenni "JWoww" Farley is best known for fist-pumping her way through MTV's Jersey Shore.
You know, with these crazy kids:
And it was at the Jersey Shore where JWoww met her husband, Roger Mathews. While his appearance on the show was limited, his presence in her life wasn't.
The two are now married with two adorable children, whom Roger can't stop talking about on Instagram!
If you thought your captions were the shit, wait till you see his!
Like this hilarious one of their son Greyson Valor and his badass pose:
"Woke up. Pooped his pants. Had a bottle. Took a nap. Woke up again. Put some gel in his hair in case paparazzi is parked out front trying to get pics of his mom in a thong in the backyard and happens to catch him in the shot. Plans on napping again later and crushing out another turd. Playing No Games !!!! #Swag"
Or this adorable photo of 3-year-old Meilani Alexandra giving her little brother a warm hug...around the neck:
"She said, 'Take a pic Mommy, I'm being nice to Bubbie.' They will recreate this same pic in college at a frat party rager when she has to pull his line backer head out of the toilet. Don't read that last part Jenni. #LookAtTheMelonOnThatBoy"
When Greyson realized just how tiring being a baby can truly be:
"Nothing better than a shower and a cold one in the recliner after a hard day at work. #Swaggoo"
And that time he couldn't believe his daughter's entrepreneurial spirit:
"Meilani's nail salon opening soon. The secret is to soak the nails in a poke bowl then suck on them repeatedly till the cuticle has softened to the perfect texture for sculpting. You may look like you just did a 12 hour shift on an oil rig when you leave but your nails will look like a million bucks. Get your Groupon today!"
Or that time his kids were forced to fight their own battles:
"Bubs is about to throw hands in a no holds barred street fight with a chubby shadow that keeps following him everywhere while completely neglecting his sister in the background who is being held ransom by a rabid deer named Stephen. Stephen is female but identifies with having antlers and being called Stephen and claims to be nasty with a pair of nunchucks."
And when he noticed Greyson's career goals were split right down the middle:
"Aspires to be a mechanic but forever destined to be a plumber. #TheCrackTheWholeCrackAndNothingButtTheCrack #YouCantHandleTheCrack"
Then there was the time he focused on the important things in life:
"Was worried about taking my shirt off today cause I've been slacking a little at the gym then I remembered my kids don't care and my wife finds me repulsive anyway. Somehow I found a way to make my daughters awesome cliff jump video about me. #SelfishPrick"
And the time he barely recognized his own daughter:
"Where does the time go ? She walked past me yesterday drinking a cup of coffee while talking on her cell phone to someone about getting their nails done together. She paused as she passed, looked at me and said "Swag". I don't even know who she is anymore. They grow up so fast."
When he realized there's levels to their love:
"When your Bubs is teething and your feeling his pain but you still ain't gonna share your toys."
When Greyson was all about business:
"Grey is the name and big rig trucking is my game. I like to flex on the ladies out the window so they know what time it is. Shift gears during the day, pound beers at night. #PlayingNoGames"
And lastly, when Roger couldn't help but admire the way his children look while they sleep:
"When fully extended that bread roll arm pulls out to over 6 feet. A smaller person could jump rope with it."