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JWoww's Husband Just Might Be The Funniest Dad On Instagram

I can't wait till his kids are old enough to read the captions.

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If you thought your captions were the shit, wait till you see his!

Like this hilarious one of their son Greyson Valor and his badass pose:

"Woke up. Pooped his pants. Had a bottle. Took a nap. Woke up again. Put some gel in his hair in case paparazzi is parked out front trying to get pics of his mom in a thong in the backyard and happens to catch him in the shot. Plans on napping again later and crushing out another turd. Playing No Games !!!! #Swag"

Or this adorable photo of 3-year-old Meilani Alexandra giving her little brother a warm hug...around the neck:

"She said, 'Take a pic Mommy, I'm being nice to Bubbie.' They will recreate this same pic in college at a frat party rager when she has to pull his line backer head out of the toilet. Don't read that last part Jenni. #LookAtTheMelonOnThatBoy"


And that time he couldn't believe his daughter's entrepreneurial spirit:

Instagram: @rogermathewsnj

"Meilani's nail salon opening soon. The secret is to soak the nails in a poke bowl then suck on them repeatedly till the cuticle has softened to the perfect texture for sculpting. You may look like you just did a 12 hour shift on an oil rig when you leave but your nails will look like a million bucks. Get your Groupon today!"

Or that time his kids were forced to fight their own battles:

"Bubs is about to throw hands in a no holds barred street fight with a chubby shadow that keeps following him everywhere while completely neglecting his sister in the background who is being held ransom by a rabid deer named Stephen. Stephen is female but identifies with having antlers and being called Stephen and claims to be nasty with a pair of nunchucks."

And when he noticed Greyson's career goals were split right down the middle:

"Aspires to be a mechanic but forever destined to be a plumber. #TheCrackTheWholeCrackAndNothingButtTheCrack #YouCantHandleTheCrack"


Then there was the time he focused on the important things in life:

Instagram: @rogermathewsnj

"Was worried about taking my shirt off today cause I've been slacking a little at the gym then I remembered my kids don't care and my wife finds me repulsive anyway. Somehow I found a way to make my daughters awesome cliff jump video about me. #SelfishPrick"

And the time he barely recognized his own daughter:

"Where does the time go ? She walked past me yesterday drinking a cup of coffee while talking on her cell phone to someone about getting their nails done together. She paused as she passed, looked at me and said "Swag". I don't even know who she is anymore. They grow up so fast."

When Greyson was all about business:

"Grey is the name and big rig trucking is my game. I like to flex on the ladies out the window so they know what time it is. Shift gears during the day, pound beers at night. #PlayingNoGames"