Literally Just 25 Great Tweets From The First Week Of January That Made Me Laugh, Smile, Or A Lil' Something In Between
...because all we want to do this year is laugh!
1.
2024 pic.twitter.com/nFfGXPmH88
— gage (@neatsaux) January 1, 2024
3.
i’m a short-term memory girlie who likes to read, i will forget everything that happened in a book and call it my favorite book of all time
— mau (@villainsaints) January 5, 2024
4.
I asked my husband how comes he doesn’t care that I don’t cook.
— Sandra Ezekwesili (@SEzekwesili) January 5, 2024
He said “a cooking woman is a poisoning woman. One less threat”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
6.
The only Stanley cup I need pic.twitter.com/7cMs2rVAWb
— Andy Ottaway (blue cheque) (@Andy35o) January 4, 2024
7.
“how did people keep up with TV before the internet?” my young friend, we didn’t need phones. if you missed an episode, there would be one person in every classroom the next morning re-enacting the plot like a town crier
— Owl! at the Library 😴🧙♀️ (@SketchesbyBoze) December 13, 2023
8.
My son trying to pay for his groceries with a drivers license…he is going to JAIL pic.twitter.com/KMNW2yxIMt
— buc nasty (@CindyM0on) January 4, 2024
9.
My Friends Crying Over Men:
— Jasmine's Garden (@SacredWhoreee) January 4, 2024
🥹🥺😭
Me:
“ you having an unnatural allegiance to losers is not like you” -Katt Williams
10.
My daughter just referred to her dad as my “ex husband”. I said girl that is my ex boyfriend I was never married to him. She gon look at me and say “well that’s weird for you to have a baby with somebody you wasn’t married to”. Not you judging me for making YOU 😂
— Kira J (@IamKiraJ) January 4, 2024
11.
got entirely roasted by TSA
— Kate Whitaker 🌷☕️ (@kwhitaker_) January 3, 2024
him: what is this?
me: a jar of caramel
him: why do you have a jar of caramel?
me: Christmas gift
him: for who?
me: I’m going to see my bf’s family
him: and you thought “oh, I’ll bring them a jar of caramel”??
and then he laughed at me!!! 😭
12.
LOL this reminds me of a very unprofessional nurse who, after my smear said, ‘your partner must be very happy.’
— 🚀🐢 (@recklessrai) January 3, 2024
Instead of reporting I went to the GC like ‘girls, NHS CERTIFIED’ https://t.co/ZJYL0lPxke
13.
“We heard you’re lactose intolerant” https://t.co/Pcg25kWA4r pic.twitter.com/YzHz0ETGdN
— ً (@TweetXan_) January 3, 2024
14.
i'm nothing if not wildly inconsistent pic.twitter.com/r2sAodZzqT
— tay⋆｡･*˚⁺‧͙ (@tcmreads) January 3, 2024
15.
“Dear HR,
— Adez Baby 🦋 (@Adaezae_1) January 3, 2024
Thank you for your response. I could sense the empathy in the previous email.
However, I regret to inform you that I reject your rejection. I will be present on the premises on the 9th of January to acquaint myself with the team.
Best wishes,
Adaeze.” https://t.co/LXAO23oSI4
17.
Yall better tip that man 😆😆😆 pic.twitter.com/oxhIZLKAtT
— Champagne Sloshy (@JoshyBeSloshy) January 3, 2024
18.
Girls Be Like “just a little nap”
— Black Air Force Energy (@Derekalexander_) January 3, 2024
(last seen 13 hours ago)
19.
everyone has had a ‘Subway phase’ where you ate Subway sandwiches for like a month straight. that was undiagnosed depression
— Roy Drones Jr (@chiweethedog) January 2, 2024
20.
Nothing says “she ain’t no divaaaa” more than seeing a job you applied for being re-advertised 😂😂😭
— Thembi Matroshe (@ThembiMatroshe) January 2, 2024
21.
Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that???
— Grip Bayless (@talleyberrybaby) January 2, 2024
22.
"The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes"
— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) January 2, 2024
WHO THE F**K ARE THESE PEOPLE??? pic.twitter.com/f4mcoi1uu8
23.
another day as a big girl with a big girl job
— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) January 2, 2024
pic.twitter.com/UqXr2uhQQ4
24.
I’ve accepted the peace sign and duck lips as part of my culture as a millennial you’re gonna have to pry those poses from my cold dead hands.
— Jah. (@Jeesa_Jay) January 1, 2024
25.
“I don’t want the orange juice with the fruit meat”. - my 6yo referring to pulp as fruit meat
— Princess (@themultiplemom) January 1, 2024