1.
Not a soul: Younger me showing off for my crush:
2.
friend: “let’s get something to eat” me: “I’m broke” friend: “it’s on me” me:
3.
tired of seeing everyone’s boyfriend taking them on paint and picnic dates so my dog took me on one instead
4.
my friends: you’re not ugly, stop saying that me:
5.
My boo : I’m outside , come on Me :
6.
nobody: my fitbit when i’m jacking off at 3 am:
7.
good morning to everyone except grandpa joe who sat in bed for 20 years and allowed his family to wallow in poverty but hopped up like a mf to go to a candy factory
8.
When you parents criticize you for traits you inherited from them
9.
me having a meeting with myself to get my life together https://t.co/Jh1hPMVQe9
10.
When someone who’s attractive randomIy finds you attractive too
11.
this is the kind of energy i want when i tell babygirl “ily”
12.
my little brother just sent me this to tell me how dumb i look making boomerangs on instagram and i —
13.
i stole my boyfriends phone one night and as i was reading his texts i heard him say "when you're done make sure you cry from outside I want to sleep" 😭😭😭
14.
when you got 3 hours of sleep but you need money:
15.
Nobody: My period, the morning I have somewhere important to be:
16.
therapist: and what do we do when we’re sad? me: add to cart? therapist: no.
17.
She is vogueing DOWN https://t.co/hnWVwCNLVX
18.
When I’m on Facetime playing the game and she be like “I’m finna hang up” Me:
19.
when you have to take care of your drunk friend
20.
Me: Omg I feel so confident and not worried about anyth- My anxiety:
21.
me during morning shift: aye who the FUCK closed last night me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener
22.
“added you by phone number” https://t.co/HW13KrmAXy
23.
me staring at a menu knowing imma get the same thing i always do https://t.co/a1mDckt0Il
24.
sex is cool and all but u ever like someone so much u refuse to let the convo die?? be like “u like clouds?”
25.
Orientation: Me: *Calling My Mom* Do I Put 1 or 0 On My W4 Form?
26.
The can of Chef Boyardee ravioli following me home after my mom said I couldn’t have it
27.
Next we work in a little conditioner.
28.
I haven’t had sex in so long I forgot how to moan, what if I fuck up and bark?!
29.
Why I thought this baby had a mean ass grip 😂 https://t.co/DS2xhizXY0
30.
“don’t hype the dog up” me: https://t.co/6eOd1M7TQ2
31.
your girl coming over to see what you’re doing so she can annoy you and try to get some attention