Saturday night, crowded club, my boobs are jacked up to my ear lobes and my winged eyeliner is perfect- I've downed 3 fireball and cokes just to be comfortable enough to dance (move side to side, snapping) while my two girl friends are twerking, salsa dancing, and putting Miley Cyrus to shame. Meanwhile I catch Tall, Dark and Moderately Handsome looking at me from across the club.
*okay girl, play it cool- hair flip...look around the room...take a sip...look at him again* It worked and he's walking over.
"Hey I'm Chad"
*oh man he has nice teeth- hey Ken, I'm Barbie*
"oh hey, I'm Megan"
"So... Do you think you can introduce me to your friend- she's so cute"
....and that's the Saturday Night Out as the fat friend...
Now, "fat friend" may sound offensive to some, but trust me to the fat friend it's not offensive because it's what we are.
We spend two hours doing our hair and makeup to perfection and about two more hours trying to figure out what the hell to wear- because let's face it, it's not about cute and comfy with us it's about slimming and support. One dress has great tummy control but doesn't cover the arms, while the other dress covers the arms but has no belly support. So you stick with ole faithful- control top jeans and a low cut top your mom got you from Cato because the plus size side has the same clothes as the regular side. Pshh.
After the pure torturous, hell-pit of getting ready, you go downtown to the carnival of anxiety just to have a guy ask you to introduce him to your friend. It sucks, it's unfair that they can't see past the doughnut glaze of sweat on your forehead and upper lip to see you have a great personality! That you are hilarious, smart and even your cat loves you and you should be SEEN! You spent all that time and effort getting ready and you should be noticed not used as a gateway, match making service.
So why is it, that physical attraction is what is most important when first meeting? Why do pictures get the "like" and who cares about the bio? Now don't get me wrong- there's plenty of guys out there that loves something a little extra to hold on to but why is that a category?
Hey fat friend, it's time to stop getting upset over the fact that Tall, Dark and Moderately Handsome doesn't have enough golf balls to introduce himself AND enough maturity to get to know you instead.
Jiggle your jello girl...your prince will come...and if he's the right one he'll come baring Krispy Kreme.
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