They say that the bridges you burn will light the way to a better future. I don't know if I want to burn this bridge yet. I fell for you, and I fell hard. It wasn't a dainty little fall or something you can get up from immediately. No, this fall knocked the breath out of me, and made my heart skip a beat. When I met you, I felt as if the world was falling into place, and that things were going my way. I became more interested in you, hung out with you often, and waited impatiently for you to text me back. I started to feel feelings that I knew were not possible to be reciprocated.
But, that didn't matter. You became the first thought in my head when I woke up, and the last one to cross my mind before I fell asleep. When I was around you, I became calmer, my heart rate dropped, and I my breathing became more even. Now that I look back on it, you were a drug. Wanting to be with you became needing to be with you.
I never meant it to be you, and I never asked to fall in love with you. The heart can want and want and want, but I knew that in this case, I couldn't receive the same love I was giving. The devastation of this realization swept over me like the waves of a merciless ocean, and I couldn't get to the surface to breathe. I was drowning in my sorrow, in my self pity, and I was swallowed into the depths of depression and anxiety.
Months have passed since we had a substantial conversation. I have since realized that I can forgive myself for all that has happened between us. I am learning to love myself more, and to stop searching for love. It will come to me, and I have to be patient.
I won't say I'm sorry for loving you, because you shouldn't apologize for something you cannot control. But, I will say that ever since meeting you, my perspective on life has changed, and I have you to thank for that. I hope one day down the road, when we both have found the love we deserve, this unrequited love that has shaped us both, can be put to rest.