Ordering at a diner can be a skull-numbing process for the inexperienced first timer.
From all-day breakfast to a centerfold dedicated to hamburgers alone, it seems more feasible to settle on a life insurance plan sooner than selecting a meal.
My newspaper and I will have a seat at the counter.Three: Me, myself, and my feelings.PARTYYYYYYYYWe'll take any booth with the bounciest, BOINGIEST seats.A banquet table fit for a carnivorous feast.Just a little table for me and my steady.
An After-School Special SnackWhat time even is it?I eat six small meals to provide constant energy throughout the day. Three meals are so mainstream.A balanced breakfast of carbs, sugar, and more sugar.A protein-packed dinner to feed my meaty loins.*Sigh* Whatever. I don't know.
Anything saltier than my tears.Sugar shalt not pass the lips of a true barbarian warrior.WOOP WOOP WOOPSalt all around that rimrimrimrimrimSomething sugary to get these feet twisting and shouting.Neither. I avoid refined sugar and sodium.
I'll use my hands THAT'S WHAT SHE SAIDAnd risk staining my cardigan? Utensils, please.Whichever requires the least effort.My hands are the quickest route to my mouth vessel.I brought reusable chopsticks to reduce my carbon hand print on the environment.What about a spork?
"Sherry" by Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons"Turn Down For What" by DJ Snake and Lil JonSoundscapes of Bacon"The Sound of Silence" by Simon & GarfunkelYou probably never heard of it."99 Luftballons" by Nena
Crawling back into bed, probably.Making pillow forts and playing tag and sharing feelings and*Snores* *Drools*Back to work on my installation art.Chopping lumber with my bare hands.Getting in by curfew and setting my rollers before bed.
What Should You Actually Order At The Diner?
Share this chocolatey, fizzy, creamy diner treat with your Danny Zuko after a drive-in movie. One straw or two? That's up to you.
Fries doused in cheese and brown gravy will take the edge off the hangover impending in your near future. Come back in the morning for eggs and bottomless coffee.
Sounds like someone could use a hug. Close your eyes and imagine this soup as a warm embrace between bubbe's bosom.
Okay. So. You get chocolate chip pancakes and your pal gets M&M. Swap half and arrange in alternating layers, cut a hole in the middle of the stack, insert ice cream ball inside, and pour syrup on top for a sugary Mount Vesuvius. LIFE IS WONDERFUL WHEN YOU'RE IN THE WORLD.
No tzatziki. No pita. No raw vegetables to slow you down. Stand at this beacon of beef and eat it like cotton candy on a stick.
Diner ≠ Cafe. Was this trip ironic or did the New Yorker send you here?