Like many a gay, I woke up this morning very excited to see Nicki Minaj's new music video, "Anaconda."
And to be totally real with you, I was fairly slayed. For a song that is pretty whatever and mediocre, this video is rilly good.
BUTT, to be completely honest, the biggest feeling I felt while watching this video was extreme ass envy.
I want to be Nicki Minaj's ass.
I want to be in the jungle on some sort of raft gyrating on the ground.
I want to flow out of jean jorts thumping on the ground in an actual flattering manner.
I want to be in a white room on a metallic chair with my cheeks to the sky.
I want to maintain flawless form with 2-pound weights.
And I've never told anyone this, but I secretly think it would be so fun to wear a pink G-string doing sexy half-naked yoga...
...BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE. I AM BORAT.
And if I were Nicki Minaj's ass then I would be on Drake's D.
Drake would be lit'rally holding his mouth while looking at me.
And I would leave Drake sitting there with a big ole b*!
Mostly, I want to be Nicki Minaj's ass because it's actually hypnotizing...
...and by hypnotizing, I mean dickmotizing.
If I were Nicki Minaj's ass, I would literally own all the dicks.
I would be winning the game (well, not iTunes).
Slaying your faves (not on iTunes).
And, bold statement, attached to rap's current most important MC!!!
Bye!
