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    Why Cristiano Ronaldo Needs To Cut The Shit And Take His Shirt Off Already

    Enough.

    WAHHHH WAHHH WAHHH. CRY CRY CRY. I'M A WIDDLE BABY.

    WAHHHH LOOK AT MY SAD DROOPY BANGS.

    WAHHHH I MISS MY DIAMOND STUDDED EARRINGS!

    Well... LISTEN UP, BITCH.

    WE. DON'T. GIVE. A. DAMN.

    You are good for one thing.

    * Makes protest signs. Moves to Brazil. Sets up tents outside some arena or on the beach or something. Begins Occupy Ronaldo movement. Doesn't shower for days. Starts chant *

    "WHAT DO WE WANT?"

    "Biceps, triceps, nipples, chest, abs, and a nice hot back!"

    * CONTINUES CHANT *

    "WE DEMAND"

    "BICEPS, TRICEPS, NIPPLES, CHEST, ABS, AND A NICE HOT BACK."

    "WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!"

    "RIGHT. THE FUCK. NOW... or at least the next time you play soccer."

    Because frankly we deserve it and you look like shit when you're crying like a sad baby.

    And you look like a thousand times better with your shirt off.

    And I can almost forget about those diamond studded earrings when you're half naked.

    ALMOST.

    #Freethenipple.

    And you know what, I'll take an order of man on man action with that too please.

    Rub that chest. Thank you and goodnight.