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This Is Why Miley Cyrus' VMA Performance Was A Failure

What Miley Cyrus was trying to do at the VMAs vs. what Miley Cyrus actually did. A case study.

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Miley Cyrus. The VMAs. Brooklyn. 2013. This is the year Miley is showing the world that she's a ~grown woman~. Sound familiar...?

Kevin Mazur / WireImage for MTV / Getty Images

Of course it does. Clearly, Miley's inspiration for the night was none other than the queen of the VMAs herself, pop music extraordinaire and everyday legend: Miss Britney Spears.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Nick Elgar

The following is a case study of what Miley was going for vs. what actually happened.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Appear mysteriously. Britney achieved this with dramatic music and a giant spider-looking thing that turned around to reveal her literal "not so innocent" self.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Miley came out of a monkey's chest.

Theo Wargo / WireImage / Getty Images

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: She was trying to have her "I'm a grown woman!" moment. Britney achieved this with a sexy and sparkly striptease. She also wore a fedora and one of those cordless pop music microphones.

Kevin Mazur / WireImage

OMG! So cutting edge.

Dave Hogan / Getty Images

THAT THONG. So unexpected.

Dave Hogan / Getty Images

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: She danced around with a bunch of oversized stuffed animals and unenthused pink bears.

Rick Diamond / Getty Images

She fist-pumped and screamed.

Neilson Barnard / Getty Images

And had a stuffed animal rub her back.

Andrew H. Walker / WireImage / Getty Images

Then her clothes came off and she took out a large finger with a big red nail.

Hmmmm.
Rick Diamond / Getty Images

Hmmmm.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Get into the zone and really have a moment with herself. Britney achieved this by dancing her ass off. She also had crimped hair.

Kevin Mazur / WireImage

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Scream with an oversized finger with a big red nail.

Kevin Mazur / WireImage for MTV / Getty Images

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Stripper chic.

Dave Hogan / Getty Images

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Rub a finger that had a huge red nail in her crotch.

Neilson Barnard / Getty Images

And she stuck her tongue out a lot.

Theo Wargo / WireImage / Getty Images

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Make sexy, sophisticated, yet raunchy faces.

Getty Images/ Frank Micelotta

Britney achieved this because she's a flawless and iconic human being.

Getty Images/ Frank Micelotta

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Point a large fake finger at Robin Thicke.

Theo Wargo / WireImage / Getty Images

The fake finger was also used as a faux penis.

Rick Diamond / Getty Images

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Steal the show.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Frank Micelotta

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Make pink bears sad.

Rick Diamond / Getty Images

See:

Getty Images/ Rick Diamond

Basically, I think you get the point. This is how you do a coming-of-age performance:

Getty Images/ Frank Micelotta

And this is how you don't:

The Associated Press / AP

DO NOT TRY TO BE THE QUEEN.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

It will only end in disappointment and failure.

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive/ Scott Gries

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