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19 Foods You Can Always Steal From Your Roommate

This is scientific.

Posted on

Before you read this it's important you understand the golden rule: It's never, EVER, under any circumstance, OK to open an unopened package of food that doesn't belong to you. It should be assumed that all the food listed below is from an already opened package.

19. A sliver of used pizza

Twitter: @slylingualdina

You can never take an entire slice, that's just bad juju, you fucking monster. What you can do is cut a sliver of a slice. Be like a surgeon. Be precise. Don't fuck it up!


18. Any type of chip

Twitter: @7lakeOrenda

Chips are easy to take but just make sure you don't eat "all the good ones." By "the good ones," I mean the ones that aren't all crumpled up on the bottom of the bag.

17. Anything in a Ziploc bag

Twitter: @kennadee84

Ziploc bags are your best friend is you're the shitty food stealing roommate. A handful of whatever's in a full bag is up for grabs. For example, crackers. You can have a bunch of bagged crackers. Your roommate isn't gonna snap if you eat a fucking cracker.


12. A small glass of wine

Twitter: @Mehpersonified

So, people KNOW how much wine they have left when they put a cork back into it. That said, it's pretty easy to get a small glass. That also said, it's also kind of stupid because who wants just one baby glass of wine. Go out and get your own, you goof.


8. A baked good

Twitter: @ilonarcari

If they bake like brownies or something, chances are they will be okay with you having one. If you eat like five of their cookies, then you should watch out. You will be cyber bullied.

7. A piece of any Easter or Christmas candy they receive from relatives

Twitter: @Wunderfitzig_

No, we're not talking about taking a fucking ear from their chocolate Easter bunny. We are talking one or two mini peanut butter cups.

6. One bowl of cereal

Twitter: @LoPoWoah

Cereal is a pretty easy food to steal from a roommate because you can't really see *how much* is in the box. That said, most people can *tell* how much their cereal weighs. Be stealthy.

5. A scoop of ice cream, but not like the "meat" of the work

Twitter: @MaxMastodon

Ice cream is one of the most stolen roommate foods. On no condition should you finish a roommate's pint of ice cream. If you want to take ONE SCOOP then that's fine, but you should never, EVER, take like a huge chunk of cookie dough or brownie. That's messed up.

4. A small plate of leftovers (depending on the situation)

Twitter: @bioloyg

Fried rice? Yes. Pizza? A sliver (not a full slice). Buffalo wings? Nope. Only if there's a dozen. It all depends on the type of food. If you are stealing a UNIT of the food, like one full chicken finger, that's a big FUCK NO.

1. Cheese

Twitter: @j_sprung

Cheese is my favorite thing to take from a roommate. It's also the most risky. The problem with cheese is that you can only take a sliver, if you take more than that they will be really fucking pissed because having your cheese stolen is the worst. The absolute fucking worst.


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