Forget Disneyland, I have a key to the happiest place on Earth.
Come along, now. Follow me. Don't be scared.
Just keep on walking towards the light and slight scent of body odor and dirt.
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You're in the inside of a professional soccer players' locker room.
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A place where partially nude men are constantly lumped onto each other.
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A place where partially nude group gyration is the norm.
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And a place where Speedos are rampant.
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It's a place where butts are rubbed...
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...and beers are shared.
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So much rubbing in general.
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It's the place where selfies actually mean something.
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The place where slutty mirror selfies originate.
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The place where a bunch of hot naked guys hang out together...
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...hold trophies in their underwear together...
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...and get accidental boners together.
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More importantly, it's a place where players get clean.
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A place where lifelong connections are made.
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And a place where champagne is poured over naked men and it's TOTALLY OK.
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Sooooo, drop your towels!
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And take mad selfies.
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Welcome to the best place on Earth.
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I hope you enjoyed your stay!
Now, please, take a sip of water.
