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We Need To Talk About Maluma's Gratuitous Thirst Traps

The ultimate collection.

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Brothers, sisters, and admirers of the male form, gather around, light a candle, put on some Sade, and hold hands: A gay miracle has happened today!

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I was strolling my Twitter feed through gay memes, gay drama, and gay thirst traps when one in particular caught my attention.

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It was this:

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

That picture sent me into full gay panic mode, meaning I sent the picture to a private chat FULL of gays. Everyone was like, "MATT, YOU KNOW MALUMA SETS THIRST TRAPS ON THE DAILY?!"

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Now, I have heard of Maluma before, I know he's a massively successful Colombian singer and also extremely hot.

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But I didn't quite know the magnitude of his thirst traps.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

I spiraled. For the next three hours, I scoured the internet looking at shirtless pictures of Maluma, carefully selecting the absolute best ones for my people, the people who thirst.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

It was hard work, but I did it for YOU.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

I did it because Maluma would have wanted it.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

I did it for animal rights.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

But mostly I did it for gratuitous bathroom selfies because holy shit the man can take them.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Shirtless mirror selfie...

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

... after shirtless mirror selfie.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

It's like he spends an hour every day taking thirsty mirror selfies.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

For Maluma, random hotel bathrooms are *really* where the magic happens.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

I'm telling you, there's at least a different sink or two in Maluma's Snapchat every day.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

I digress...

When he's not in front of the bathroom mirror, he can be found taking thirsty-ass pics in front of a gym mirror.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

I feel sticky (in a good way) looking at this one.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Tasty!

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

But in all seriousness...

Maluma is cool because he is always treating fans to his body. In a vapid world filled with fakes it's nice knowing that Maluma is real. Bodies are beautiful machines and Maluma is taking us for ride with his.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

The man knows what his fans want. He's generou$!

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Whether it's early morning...

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

... or late at night.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

You can always depend on Maluma to set you off with one of his thirsty mirror selfies.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Here's just a snap of his nipple! The man knows his audience!

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Here's a picture with a ton of filters and at a weird angle which for a normal person would annoy me but it's Maluma so I kinda like it.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Here's one in a yellow tube:

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

This one is nice because it is artsy and tanlines:

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

This one is nice because it reminds me of the ocean and the ocean is nice because of 1/2 naked men and Maluma.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

This one is neat because his face is exuding a lot of emotion. He should really try acting.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

And this one is nice because sweaty abs.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Play me a song, tweedle yer dee, I have nothing left to say here.

Maluma's Snapchat or Instagram

Thank you for going on that journey with me the end.

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