1. Long, long ago, in 2007, the world was #blessed when a woman by the name of Miss Tiffany Pollard came into our lives. She would go by the name of "New York."
2. New York was a legendary icon. Until that time in history, mid-2007 to be exact, there had been no person as insightful and smart. She was, in a word, "enlightened."
3. No one messed with New York.
4. Also no one ever made her wait.
5. Legend has it, New York was put on this planet to educate the human race.
6. Humanity needed her. And this is her story.
7. First of all, New York was always in the know.
8. Everywhere she went, she made an entrance.
9. New York never made mistakes because she was God.
10. If you crossed her, she would threaten and intimidate you.
11. Knives were her choice weapon.
12. Words were another weapon she used quite well.
13. New York had mythical powers. She could spot a big dick from a mile away.
14. Also plastic hair.
15. What a powerful heart she had.
16. People would try to talk behind her back, but New York would always find out.
17. Loud packs of idiot bitches never got the best of her.
18. And if your name was Pumkin, forget about it.
She told the #truth. "Get a fucking facelift," she would say.
19. "I'll piss on your grave."
20. "Soldiers cry and dogs cry and I cry. We cry. We all fucking cry."
21. And most importantly...
"You fucking look like Luther Vandross."
22. New York believed no one should ever feel shamed by the amount they drink.
23. In fact, she was an advocate for the stuff.
24. Always be drinking.
25. She also loved to eat.
26. Unfortunately, this meant she often ended up in a "food coma."
27. New York was also an advocate for dick.
28. Men were her toys.
29. She preferred thugs who drank a lot and wore baggy clothes.
30. She taught us that if you see a man that looks like a pinto bean — then tell him he looks like a pinto bean.
31. Another thing about New York was that she needed her beauty sleep.
32. If you were shit, she wanted you to feel like it.
33. And if your breath smelled like shit, she wanted you to know that too.
34. She was put here to teach us. We were dumb. She was our teacher.
35. Most importantly, she will be remembered for being fucking fabulous.
There were never be another.
Thank you, New York.
PS: New York is still alive. She has a new VH1 reality show coming out later this year (!!!!).