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Dear USA, Justin Bieber Is About To Destroy A Musical Legacy And It Must Be Stopped

Sound the alarms!

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Gays, people who like gay things, human beings, mean dogs, not-so-nice cats, ghosts that aren't too scary, people who like to protest, and witches with good, workable spells: WE ARE IN THE MIDST OF NATIONAL CRISIS.

For those who don't know, Mariah Carey holds the record for most weeks at no. one. For 16 weeks in 1995/1996, "One Sweet Day" was reigning supreme. It was honestly a great time to be alive, something kids today could never understand.

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So, what can we do? Well, really just pray. I'm asking for your prayers and thoughts at this trying time. If we can put enough good vibes into the atmosphere we can make this happen.

Final thoughts: Mariah is a legend and "One Sweet Day" is better.

The end.