Background: I am a 26-year-old gay man. I live in New York City and work at this website called BuzzFeed. I wasn't a very religious person until something that can only be described as a "divine gay intervention" happened. I am now in the know and am blessed.
This is my journey. This is my story. I write this in hopes of inspiring other One Direction fans to come out of the closet.
The first time I saw One Direction, they were basically a group of puffy nippled pre-pubescent British tweens. Ew, I know. But it's true.
I didn't get the hype. They were basic. I am also not a pedophile. I don't like tweens. I do not like puffy nipples.
I personally felt their FHP* was low and also who knows what would happen to them? Puberty can be such a horrible bitch.
I was, as they say, "dark-sided."
But then it happened, that big gay divine intervention I was talking about.
Aug. 20, 2013, London, England. The day is forever carved into my brain.
The actual moment of what I call "my awakening" was when Zayn flicked his tongue.
My head was finally clear.
I knew I would have to marry Zayn.
Harry would be my mistress.
And Liam would be my backdoor bitch.
I'd also be totally DTF with the other two. They can be our nannies. We'll make it work.