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    I Want To Be Held Like Jonah Hill Holds Bags

    Carry me, Jonah Hill. Just carry me.

    I was on the internet today looking at pictures of Jonah Hill because that is apparently where my life is at when I noticed something special. No, it wasn't his smile or strut, but it was the way he holds bags.

    The man has a certain elegance and grace when given a bag.

    Bags make Jonah Hill happy and when Jonah Hill is happy so am I.

    In general, Jonah takes very good care of his bags. He is well-known in the bag community for his double handed technique.

    Look at the way his fingers are locked around that strap, the other hand gently caressing the band.

    He is proud of that bag.

    Look how tightly this bag is wrapped around his hand.

    This, readers, is warmth.

    And this is the face of a man who really takes pleasure over his bags.

    Jonah Hill cares.

    While a two finger grip may seem unsafe to the normal bag holder, it isn't in the fingers of Jonah Hill. That bag is secure.

    I even wish I were those shoes.

    I am straight up jealous of these stuffed animals.

    But really it's all about the bags.

    Even these teeny tiny bags get the presidential treatment in Jonah's hand. I can almost feel the gentle breeze as he casually swings them down the California street.

    And though sometimes he might drag them...

    ... he will always lift them up.

    Never change the way you hold bags, Jonah. I mean that!

    The end.