My dear sweet Andrew, we have gathered here today because we love you. Because we care about you. Because we miss you. The Andrew we used to know.
Yes, this is an intervention.
My precious Andrew, we have come a long way since you were a mere Social Network twink. Remember how cute you were? Remember the way your body fit into those Spiderman suits?
Remember your chin?
And I know you've been forced to do a bunch of things you haven't wanted to do lately, like go to one of Taylor Swift's boat parties.
But Andrew, you have to look at your life, look at your choices.
Watching your chin go down this road of complete disrepair has caused me to lose sleep. I lie awake at night thinking about your completely un-tamed and un-groomed gingery pubey beard. Andrew, I can't take it anymore.
We are not perfect. Life is not perfect. But there is so much good in the world and we care.