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13 Things You'll Remember If You've Ever Been To Blockbuster

Presented by Britney Spears, duh.

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*Welcome to Blockbuster*

Step 1: First things first, this is Blockbuster, not a fucking walk in the park. This isn't CANDYLAND. Create a game plan. If you don't know what you're getting, you're basically fucked. Your ass is going to get reamed by the Blockbuster time suck. Proceed with caution.

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Step 2: Make your first lap around the perimeter. Stare endlessly and soullessly at the new releases.

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Step 3: Realize you've seen everything. Take another lap.

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Step 4: 20 minutes pass. You're still at Blockbuster.

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Step 5: You're desperate. You're picking up movies you've never heard of. That shit went straight to video for a reason.

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Step 6: Yawn.

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Step 7: Hate yourself.

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Step 8: Question your will to live.

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Step 9: You think you've found the one. Then you find out that your friend has already seen the movie. You put the movie back in failure. You suck.

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Step 10: Fuck it all.

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Step 11: Get desperate.

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Step 12: Pick out Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Stare at the candy in the aisle while you check out. Fantasize about getting those chocolate chip cookie dough bite things. Be glad this is almost over.

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Step 13: After 45 minutes, you finally leave. You probably have renters regret. You have, again, succumbed to the Blockbuster time suck.

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Have a good night!

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