25. He wears a mullet to the Olive Garden:
24. He thinks his name is weird:
23. He can do a one-armed pull-up:
22. He hates the word “epic”:
21. He recites the lyrics to “Hollaback Girl” when he needs to spell “banana”:
20. He realizes that he’s basically ageless:
19. Sometimes he replaces the names of movies and TV shows he’s been in with the word “vagina”:
18. His idea of a perfect Friday night is a Parking Wars marathon:
17. He also loves the show Bachelorette:
16. And Dance Moms:
15. Also Honey Boo Boo:
14. His mom sometimes cries when she eats hot dogs:
13. He likes fried chicken:
12. He has had a deep love for space sandwiches ever since he was 11:
11. He has a hairless rat:
10. Chumbawamba makes him happy:
9. He doesn’t like concerts unless it’s Boyz II Men:
8. He doesn’t like working out till he pukes:
7. He hates ketchup and eggs; as president he would ban it:
6. He believes in the war on Christmas:
5. He had a “mini stroke”:
4. He can’t really sit Indian style:
3. He had the swine flu:
2. Love Actually makes him cry:
1. And he witnessed a human being getting a tattoo of his signature:
BONUS: The Malcolm in the Middle house doesn’t exist.
Now do yourself a favor and follow him on Twitter!
- Top Mexican soccer player Alan Pulido has been kidnapped outside of his hometown in Tamaulipas, a high-crime state.
- Yep. Marco Rubio said he's sorry for implying Donald Trump has a small penis.
- Lights have turned Australia's most iconic buildings into seriously psychedelic works of art.