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87 Thoughts Unlucky People Have When They Go To A Casino

"Never again..."

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1. Why the fuck am I here?

2. I hate my friends.

3. Why can't we just waste our money on alcohol?

4. This place smells like shit.

5. I cannot afford to gamble tonight.

6. SERIOUSLY, NO GAMBLING.

7. I'm just gonna drink at the bar and watch everyone else lose their money.

8. Okay, where the hell is the bar?

9. This place is a damn maze.

10. I wonder if these people wearing sunglasses know they look like complete assholes.

11. Half the people here barely look alive.

12. Why are there so many old people here?

13. Where do they even get their money from?

14. And why are they wasting it on slot machines?

15. It's kind of mesmerizing watching them though.

16. I really just want to pull one of those handles.

17. It looks so relaxing.

18. Didn't that kid from Vegas Vacation win a car on slots?

19. Nick Papageorgio… what a good name.

20. Okay, I've got five dollars. Here goes nothing...

21. That's it? It's over?

22. Whatever, what's five dollars? Who cares right?

23. I mean, I'm in a casino, I need to gamble a little bit.

24. It's just paper.

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25. Craps has the best odds in the house right?

26. Okay, the only thing I know about this game is women in tight dresses blow on dice before an old man throws it on a table.

27. This is sort of intimidating.

28. Maybe I'll try poker, that shit is on TV all the time. I think I know how it works.

29. What the hell is Pai Gow?

30. Or Caribbean Stud Poker?

31. Or Flop Poker?

32. Okay, never mind, where is the damn bar?!

33. This is like the least fun Chuck E. Cheese's ever.

34. Is there cell phone service anywhere in this place?

35. Oh look, roulette. I mean, that's at least a 50% chance at winning…

36. And I can get free drinks if I gamble at a table…

37. Okay, I'll take out $50 — THAT'S IT — I can afford to lose fifty bucks.

38. Four dollar surcharge fee?! Fuckin' thieves.

39. All right, I'll just sit here and gamble the minimum until the waitress comes by…

40. I'll just put $10 on black.

41. No... wait... red.

42. Shit… um… no… yeah… leave it on red.

43. Ugh, I've got to trust my gut.

44. I'm just going to drink beer while I'm gambling so I don't do anything stupid.

45. Alright, $10 dollars on red again… here we go… fuck.

46. What does 00 mean?

47. Okay, I guess it means I lose.

48. How the fuck can I be so bad at a game of chance?

49. Alright, $30 on red…

50. UGGGGHHHHHHHH.

51. I'm done. Where are my friends?

52. I'm way too fucking poor to be here.

53. I wonder if I'll ever make enough money to "enjoy myself" here.

54. Alright, I'm just gonna go up to the room…

55. Wait, how much did he win at blackjack???

56. That game is pretty straightforward.

57. I can count to 21.

58. And I think the key to winning money is gambling MORE money.

59. Bigger the bet the bigger the payout.

60. I'll just take out $100.

61. Wow, this looks like Monopoly money.

62. I'm pretty good at Monopoly.

63. Hey, maybe I'll win back my money from roulette.

64. I wonder if they have any bourbon?

65. Plus my friends are at this table and they've been winning a little.

66. This dealer looks like a good guy.

67. BLACKJACK BITCHES!

68. THIS IS MY JAM!!!

69. Alright, $150 in the hole but I think I'm getting the hang of this.

70. If I take out a little more money I should be able to get the rest of my money back.

71. I'm gonna walk away when I break even.

72. How does that guy with the mutton chops have THAT much cash?

73. You know what, I doubt my landlord expected rent on time this month anyway.

74. I could use a drink, and a cigarette.

75. I'm gonna walk away when I'm up $100.

76. Does that guy have a glass eye?

77. I'm gonna walk away when I'm down $50.

78. I doubt my family was expecting Christmas gifts this year anyway.

79. Okay, how exactly do you count cards?

80. It's acceptable to cry in public, right?

81. This has got to be a judgment-free zone.

82. This fucking place is rigged.

83. Why did I even come here?

84. I should have just wasted my money on alcohol.

85. I'm never coming back here again.

86. BLACKJACK!!!

87. Okay, I'll walk away in five minutes — THAT'S IT!