1.
Do this in a crowded public park.
2.
Write this on your daughter's Facebook photo.
3.
Wear these shoes on Halloween.
4.
Make a very sketchy request for Girl Scout cookies.
5.
Get a tattoo of your prized fedora.
6.
Suggest your daughter and nephew make a cute couple.
8.
Write this on a former student's Facebook wall.
9.
Dye the fountains in the mall blood red for Valentine's Day.
10.
Do this when you go out to the club.
11.
Hang this above your bed.
12.
Show off your peni...I mean fish tattoo before it's finished.
13.
Pull up a lawn chair and watch people shower at the beach.
14.
Call your daughter sexy in the most public way possible.
15.
Put a Santa Claus hat on top of the toilet — and swear there's not a camera.
16.
Live alone and keep naked Barbie dolls in your shower.
17.
Own night-vision binoculars for absolutely no reason.
18.
And drive this van everywhere you go.
