21 Reasons Not To Get Out Of Bed For The Next Three Months
Because it's so cold banana peels fucking SHATTER.
And pants stand up on their own.
Because beloved stuffed animals are reduced to plugging drafty windows.
And parking garage ticket machines need jackets.
Because people think below freezing ain't too bad.
And dogs don't even want to be outside.
Because this is the kind of armor you need to battle the elements comfortably.
Oh and if you DO go outside, you're going to get sick, and then you gotta deal with THIS shit.
Because this is what happens when you open your door.
And you're NEVER going to find all those sock your dog stole until Spring anyway.
Plus how are you supposed to drive anywhere when your car looks like this!
And IF you can get in your car, you're basically entering an icy tomb.
And let's be real — you don't want to be THIS GUY.
And it's impossible to stay active without fearing concussions and brain damage.
I mean, does THIS look like your idea of a GOOD TIME?
Because animals know everything and this dog is all like "BITCH go back to bed!"
And this cat is dead.
And so is this snowman and HE ONLY EXISTS IN THE MOTHERFUCKING WINTER!
And because if you DO get out of bed you'll be forced to shovel, and AFTER you're done shoveling your asshole neighbor will do this...
And lets be honest this is the only reason you'd want to get out of bed anyway.
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