22 God Awful Freshman Roommates

    Yikes.

    Matt Kiebus
    by Matt Kiebus

    BuzzFeed Staff

    The people of Reddit posed the question: “What is your horrible freshman roommate story?” The responses were downright terrifying:

    1.

    Goodluz / Getty Images

    "The first night I met my freshman roommate she introduced herself and said, completely seriously 'have you seen that movie where one of the roommates kills himself and the other gets a free ride? Do you think that would really happen?' She was always good at ice breakers."

    2.

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    "I was in the room when he lost his virginity."

    3.

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    "Roommate that did the Nair in shampoo trick."

    4.

    Wavebreakmedia / Getty Images

    "Left for class but it got canceled and when I came back in the room my room mate was in my video game chair watching lifetime with 1/4 of night time cold medicine next to him and my camp blanket up around his neck... Conversation followed:

    Me: you naked under my blanket...?

    Him: yeah man...

    Me: beatin off to lifetime high on cold meds?

    Him: yeah man...

    Me: I'll be back in 10 minutes don't be here..

    Him: yeah man.."

    5.

    Na / Getty Images

    "Kid shit his pants 3 separate times throughout the year like it was a normal thing people did. One of his friends who visited did it too."

    6.

    Anna Gontarek-janicka / Getty Images

    "She baptised me with a water bottle while I was sleeping after she caught me watching porn."

    7.

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    "He brought a keyboard. He only know the first fifty seconds or so of the Star Wars Cantina Song, but practiced those fifty seconds as loudly as possible for hours at a time."

    8.

    Wavebreakmedia / Getty Images

    "I awoke one fine spring morning to find my roommate, whose bed couldn't have been more than 6 feet from mine, blasting "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John on his iPod and masturbating.

    "REPEAT - he was jerkin' it to the most annoying song possibly of all time. To this day I literally cannot here "laaaaaaa la la la la la..." without thinking about it.

    "Nice guy though besides that."

    9.

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    "He was leaving dirty plates in his bed, covered with his sheets. When he was going to sleep, he just kicked the plates and didn't bother to clean them."

    10.

    Andresr / Getty Images

    "Walked into my dorm room to find my roommate and her parents looking through my underwear drawer... They didn't even act apologetic. Her mom just commented on how cute my dinosaur underwear were. So weird."

    11.

    Nick White / Getty Images

    "On our first day of college he cooked a spaghetti bolognese for everyone on our floor. He then showed me that he used a can of dog food."

    12.

    Jupiterimages / Getty Images

    "Opened the door at the point of his climax. The initial launch splattered my shoe."

    13.

    Bartekszewczyk / Getty Images

    "The very first weekend of my Freshman year in college, my roommate comes back from a party at like 2 AM or whatever, and proceeds to vomit on my fucking desk, which did contain my laptop computer on it..."

    14.

    Nick White / Getty Images

    "Had a roommate come back to our dorm room from one of the many rush week frat parties he attended, wasted out of his mind. He stripped down to his stained white briefs and passed out on his bed.

    "In the middle of the night, I woke up to find him standing, totally nude, inches from my bed, his ass literally right in my face. He proceeded to fart in my face and then start pissing in the trash can next to my bed.

    "After he was done pissing in the trash can, and all over the floor, he promptly went back to his bed and passed out on his bed, face up, with no covers.

    "I got up, got a bottle of Febreze, and sprayed the hell out of my trash can and the rug. I then realized why he pissed in my trash can. It's because he had puked in his. So, I sprayed his trash can too.

    "Then, for good measure and because I was pissed, I spent about 30 seconds spraying his naked dick and balls with Febreze while he snored and drooled.

    Yeah...I hated that douchebag."

    15.

    Shironosov / Getty Images

    "I lived with three girls. Two of the girls let their boyfriends live in the apartment with them so I was actually living with 5 people in 1100 sq ft. Anyway, two months into the semester they start filming porn. Literally heard them having sex everyday to the point where I could never invite people over because all you'd hear are those overly dramatic orgasm sounds that only porn stars make. Every. single. day."

    16.

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    "When he fished out a coffee pot from under a pile of clothes that hadn't moved in weeks, dumped the coffee out of it (you could see like an inch of mold sitting on top) and asked the girl I'd brought over if she wanted any coffee because he was about to make a new batch."

    17.

    Design Pics / Getty Images

    "Well mine started out as just being messy, until come to find out not only did she not change her panties but she would air dry them...crusty is an understatement."

    18.

    M-imagephotography / Getty Images

    "He had a gf that didn't attend our university that would stay the entire weekend. They stayed in bed, lights out, ordered delivery, wouldn't leave. At one point I woke up and there was a baby in our room (they were babysitting). A fucking baby."

    19.

    G-stockstudio / Getty Images

    "Booger wall. On move out day he revealed a side of the wall that had previously been covered by books or something and out of sight from my side of the dorm, but he had been sticking boogers there for the entire semester. They were in a yellowbrown circle about the size of a beach ball."

    20.

    Moodboard / Getty Images

    "My roommate in the dorms wore a puppet on her shoulder and if you asked her a question she would answer with the puppet. It was a puppet of a griffin, which is a mythological creature that’s a combination of lion and eagle. It sucked. We also had all the same classes together and I woke up late more than once to that damn puppet in my face telling me the time."

    21.

    Digital Vision. / Getty Images

    "I was playing video games in my dorm room and my nearly never there roommate walked in and offered me something to eat. It was lube, cherry flavored lube"

    22.

    Jupiterimages / Getty Images

    "I lived in a triple; let's call one of my roommates Tom. Tom was a disgusting inconsiderate sex addict, and I'd venture once of the worst roommates anyone has ever had. Here are just a few examples:

    - Tom masturbated several times a day, just under his sheets, not subtly. Being a triple and the largest room on the floor, we had people in and out of our room regularly. This didn't matter to him. After a while, we got him to agree to a rule that if we caught him wanking he would stop, but once he was past a certain point that just wasn't going to happen.

    - Tom had a girlfriend on the floor and would sexile us whenever possible (for example, when we were showering). She was a spitter, which I know because the spit cup by his bed was never cleaned out.

    - Tom was a believer in the "shit test". Apparently going to the toilet only to find out you didn't have to go is a big waste of time, so you just stand up and try to go a little bit first, then run to the toilet if needed. Once, while attempting this, he shit himself ('a little', he claimed), right before going out to a party. He asked me if he should shower, but then decided he had no time. Obviously Tom did not wear underwear, and when he returned back from the party he just took off his pants and hopped naked into bed. I don't think those sheets were ever washed.

    - Tom once had to pee during a poker game in our room. Rather than leave, he used a solo cup under the table, and then a second one that he urgently requested as the first was filling up. When he finished, he put the cups on his desk. Later, someone noticed that one of the cups was on its side and empty, over the side of the desk, having apparently spilled over his clothes on the floor.

    - Tom got sick of not being able to have sex with his girlfriend whenever he wanted, so he had this great idea to buy a tent from Target so he could have sex while we were in the room. His girlfriend wasn't having it, so he moved his mattress and the tent to a janitor's closet. Apparently a cleaning lady walked in on him sleeping naked there and he was forced to move back in.

    - We had two men's bathrooms on our floor, each with 3 showers. One shower belonged exclusively to Tom and his girlfriend. He kept a lawn chair in there, because 'sitting is the luxurious way to shower'. You can imagine what else went on in there, and why nobody else used it.

    - At the end of the year, we did a survey. Over half of the people on the floor had seen his penis at least once."