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How Ready Are You For The Football Season?

It's that time of year again.

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    Have you been thinking "Is it football season yet?" since March?
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    Did you watch more than one round of the NFL Draft?
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    Have you wiped your memory of every bad thing that happened last year?
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    Are you convinced this year is going to be different?
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    Have you already apologized to your friends and family for your future behavior?
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    And cleared your Sunday schedule for the next five months?
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    Have you read every prediction for your team?
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    Do you vehemently disagree with 99% of them?
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    Have you been taking the preseason WAYYY too seriously?
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    Have you watched an online stream of a preseason game?
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    Have you checked box scores of preseason games?
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    Do you have Sunday Ticket?
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    Have you made friends with someone who has Sunday Ticket?
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    Have you figured out your personal opening day outfit yet?
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    Does it involve Zubaz pants?
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    Have you convinced yourself that your team could maybe, possibly win the Super Bowl?
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    Have you gone through your team’s schedule and picked out the “must win” games?
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    Do you know your team's bye week?
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    Have you purposely scheduled something important on your bye week?
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    Are you already angry about plans you have on a game day?
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    Have you been making up reasons to tailgate?
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    Have you been making sure your drinking ability is in mid-season form?
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    Have you mentally prepared yourself for a devastating injury to a star player?
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    Have you already lost hope in your team?
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    And convinced yourself the next day that they have as good as a chance as anyone else?
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    Are you already looking forward to the 2015 draft?
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    Did you watch "Hard Knocks"?
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    Did you secretly wish it was your team the entire time?
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    But did it still give you a man or lady boner?
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    Have you started wearing your team gear?
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    Be honest — are you forcing sweatshirt weather?
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    Have you said "this is our year?"
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    Have you lashed out on social media about something that happened in the offseason?
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    Have you looked at the preseason depth chart?
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    Have you memorized it?
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    Are you already complaining about the playcalling?
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    Have you already started talking trash about Fantasy Football?
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    Have you showed every human being you know your Fantasy Football roster?
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    Have you given up on your baseball team?
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    Do you feel every other sport is a mere distraction to keep you occupied before the football season?
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    Are you going to sleep early just to make the time go faster?
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    Are you slightly worried about your well-being?
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    Do you feel empty without football?
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    Are you counting down the seconds?
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    ARE. YOU. READY. FOR. SOME. FOOTBALL?
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