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22 NBA Players You Secretly Think You're Better Than

"Man, if I was just a little bit taller..."

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DISCLAIMER: This is for the fans who sit on the couch forever frustrated by their own physical limitations and say "I could have hit that shot" after someone misses a contested 35 foot three-pointer. This is for everyone who complains about boneheaded turnovers and air balls and irrationally hates players who don't pass the eye test. We are not completely delusional. We know they're ACTUALLY better than us, but...

1. Kendrick Perkins

Why you're better than him: Have you ever actually seen Perkins play? The guy can't shoot a basketball. Let me rephrase that — he can't perform the basic function of a basketball player. Perkins is 28 years old and runs the floor like a spry 60-year-old woman. You can run circles around him. You know it. I know it. He knows it.

2. Landry Fields

Why you're better than him: The only time Landry Fields was a respectable NBA player is when Mike D'Antoni was his coach — and in all fairness, a blind iguana could score twelve points a game in that system.

3. Kris Humphries

Why you're better than him: Most middle school teams are more mentally tough than Kris Humphries. Plus it doesn't matter how tall you are, there is a 100 percent guarantee you can reject him — everyone does.


5. Jared Jefferies

Why you're better than him: His greatest skill is slapping his chair with a towel with great enthusiasm. He most likely has a degenerative nerve disease in his hands, which have the effectiveness of brick stumps.

7. Steve Novak

Why you're better than him: No one reacts to hitting wide open three-pointers like Steve Novak. He's made it an art form — complete with the whitest celebration in sports. Well, at least on par with Jonathan Papelbon's victory dance.


10. Josh McRoberts

Why you're better than him: McRoberts is merely a tall recreational league superstar. He's that kid in pregame warmups who tries to dunk for about a half hour. He hits a crazy layup and talks about it for a month. He doesn't play defense, yet still slaps the floor.


19. Chris Duhon

Why you're better than him: According to YouTube, this is the highlight of Chris Duhon's career. Duhon's travel dance is so popular that he was asked to re-enact it on a television show. That time you hit that shot that time at that place trumps his entire career.


21. JaVale McGee

View this video on YouTube

Why you're better than him: There is no way he even knows the rules. (Seriously, watch the entire video.)