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1. You lied when you said you were stuck in traffic. You're late because you hit snooze about 57 times and the line at Dunkin' was insane.
2. When you called in sick, you were really just too lazy to come in and you had an important meeting with Netflix. #SVUMarathon
3. You hate doing work at work.
4. You sneak out of work 15 minutes early everyday because you're THAT pumped to eat dinner and go the fuck to sleep.
5. You blocked your boss on Instagram because you feel like you would be judged for how often you post shit, and your abuse of filters is shameful. #Mayfair4TheWin
6. You blocked your boss on Facebook because you don't want them to see how drunk you get to cope with your terrible job.
7. You blocked your boss on Twitter because all you do is bitch about work.
8. You save all your farts for when you walk by your boss' office.
9. At work, all your poops are rushed.
10. But you save all your poops for work so that you can feel like you're getting paid to poop.
11. You online shop at work ALL THE TIME even though you barely make enough to survive.
12. You pick your nose when no one's looking.
13. You eat all the snacks you find in the office kitchen.
14. You drink all the sodas too.
15. One time you stole a stapler because you were having a bad day and it made you feel better. And NO you don't plan on returning it.
16. You make personal phone calls from your desk phone and speak in a stern tone so it sounds like you're working.
17. You actually look forward to jury duty because that means you don't have to come in to work. Yay civic responsibility!
18. Sometimes, when work really sucks the most, you walk outside to let out a small scream and then calmly go back to your desk. #StressRelief
19. You're 99% positive sitting at your desk from 9-5 everyday is why your ass has gotten so flat. "Thanks for taking away the only asset I ever had!"
20. You think about quitting and moving to a foreign country about 100 times a day, but then remember you need money so you stay.
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