7 People You'd Only Remember If You Graduated From Yukon High School In 2005

This weekend starts the long awaited ten year reunion for the fighting Millers of Yukon, Oklahoma. The next two days are guaranteed to be filled with youthful stories of the low win percentage football teams of yesteryear. Whether you have long since yearned to reclaim Boothill to kiss your high school crush or are still a regular at the Miller Grill, we hope to provide something that brings back a little memory to Yukon, America, home of that one country singer who sued the local hospital.

1. Sue, CAS Monogramming

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There was a time around seventh or eighth grade where you were convinced their wasn't a better investment than a letter jacket. It had your name embroidered on it, reflected your Miller pride, and you could upsell it to your parents as THE winter coat for the season (you would "NEVER take it off!") But if you wanted one of these, you had to go through Sue, the kind one-woman-band jacket maker in town. She was and still is a firecracker bound to give you hell for something. Even though these bad boys were reserved for those who participated in sports, the barrier to entry to these things were somewhat low. I seem to remember these being an option for band members as well (who tended to outsource the work to non-CAS employees! Resourceful band kids...) But the biggest problem with the $100+ investment was that it was essentially rendered useless the second you got to high school and realized nobody actually wore them. Whoops.

2. Clarence Hamm, the local Walmart greeter

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If Yukon was divided into eras, it could easily be done by grocery store. There was the Snyders era which reigned until the opening of Walmart Supercenter in 1993, and I assume now its the Target era. If you happened to shop at Walmart between the years of 2001 and 2005, I can say with 100% certainty that you interacted with Clarence Hamm. If you were lucky, you heard a rendition of a patriotic song sung over the intercom. Favorites included "God Bless America" and the occasional "Happy Birthday." This was unfortunately put to an end shortly after graduation in November of 2005, when Walmart's corporate office wrote a memo stating that the only use of the intercom was assist customers due to a nationwide complaint of too much loudspeaker noise. But the Class of 2005 was actually treated to a Clarence-led National Anthem at a Homecoming assembly one year before Walmart put a close to the stickered-hat singing greeter. If I could go back in time, I would probably have Clarence record my voicemail greeting. God bless YOU, Clarence Hamm.

3. Andy Henderson, Undercover Brother

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You didn't think we could skirt by this on did you? But doesn't it feel like Andy Henderson kind of fits into one of those urban legends? Let's think about this for a second. 26 year old undercover cop from Duncan, OK spends seven months posing as a high school senior. From a story posted on NewsOK, we learn that he had teachers fooled into genuinely concerned from him going as far to put him on a suicide watch, coaches telling him he should play sports, and gave out an iffy story that his dad is paying for his apartment while he finishes up school. And in his seven months sniffing out the drug lords of suburban America, Officer Andy finds... three kids who deal a little bit of weed. But let's be honest, the biggest success of Andy was his ability to not be busted. In fact, it kind of scares me that our teachers bought his story hook line and sinker. Good job Andy.

4. Jay Gleason, Guitar God

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When I met Jay Gleason for the first time, it was in a keyboarding class in ninth grade. He had shoulder length hair, wore a Metallica shirt, and he told me he loved heavy metal. From what I can gather via Facebook, Jay Gleason never cut his hair and still loves heavy metal and Metallica. A product of the family-owned Granny's Music Hall, Jay was the class resident rockstar playing the Jimi Hendrix version of the Star Spangled Banner at pep assemblies, Carol of the Bells at Christmas assemblies, and cleaned up most Battle of the Band competitions. Girls wanted him and guys wanted to be him. The good news is he is. Exactly. The. Same. Person. At the class reunion, you are going to run into people who want to convince you that they have taken the time to reinvent themselves. Not Jay. Jay Gleason hasn't changed a damn bit and is likely not to show. Instead, I would bet that he is holding an alternative bonfire at his parent's house. Which he would be doing anyways. Really guys, he's still too cool to care about this shit.

5. Moe, the pizza line lunch guy

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The Class of 2005 was the last class to officially have to deal with the old cafeteria in the Mid-High. And if my memory serves me right, you had three lines options: fast food, hot food, and pizza food. Yes, the pizza food group had it's own line where you could get slices of Pizza Hut pizza. Partner your pizza with a Little Debbie's seasonal brownie and a Minute Maid fruit punch and you had covered all your food pyramid bases. Yukon High School knew that the rowdy group was the popular pizza line, which would run all the way to the door on certain hot food days (such as square pizza day). We had Moe the lunch line guy to make sure we were kept in military order as we waited for our overpriced pizza slices. I've always had this hope that Moe was actually this pizza kingpin who would go home from work, count the cash, and run the profit margins of the day. I think one can only hope that he was the organizer of a global operation positioned to shake the money out of kids who wanted either pepperoni, cheese, or sausage (kids at the back of the line never got sausage).

6. Mike McKee, Millerman stand in

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Do any of the people above look like they graduated in 2005? Nope, you're right. They didn't. So why are they on this list? I'll explain. I was under the impression that there seemed to be this tradition where a senior always took over the duties of the Millerman, and I was always curious to who would be our flour berear. And then when our time rolled around, someone had the audacity to name Mike McKee, Class of 2006, as the mascot. Was there a good excuse for this move? Was Miller Pride in a rebuilding year? Are you only allowed on male spirit squad representative and we had already filled our slot of Tye Hill? Why was no one consulted on this? Well I hope his redshirt year was helpful. Mikey the Millerman got to practice watching the football team go 1-9 in 2005 only to watch the Class of 2006 go... 1-9.

7. Ashley, Richard, and the Jennifer's, MTV Takeover

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There's one 2005 story that trumps them all. Whether we like it or not, we will forever be known for that one time an MTV film crew came to prom. And we have Ashley Barnard to thank for that opportunity.

I actually had the opportunity to be an "intern" for MTV while they were here and got to work on casting. Following Ashley was nice but they wanted something with a little more Oklahoma flavor. We did a casting day in the library which ended with them literally asking me this question, "How can we talk to the people that live on farms?" Yes, MTV was a little underwhelmed by how non-"country folk" us Yukonites were. Andy Henderson thought we were urban thuggery and MTV thought we were country bumpkins. This analogy pretty well explains our inability to define the Yukon image. It turns out we were kind of boring, regular kids who just went to regular prom and had a normal case of recreational drug usage. But, ANYWAY, I told them to maybe go check the Ag barn and, lo and behold, they came back with Richard Wedman, a resident good lookin guy who was occasionally around livestock.

And so for a few months, MTV crew, known as the "Jennifer's" was in our high school following around Ashley and Richard like hawks trying to pin together a story that was mildly interesting. From all accounts, the show wiffed entirely on the idea. Backcountry Yukon was juxtaposed to a prom taking place in uppity Napa. Turns out both weren't really true and the story was just pretty so-so. Once Upon a Prom didn't air again until 2007 when it followed around Taylor Swift, a sweet little country singer who only had enough pull to resurrect a show originally killed for being kind of boring. BUT, before Once Upon a Prom, Taylor Swift's only TV credits were on CMA, according to IMDB. This was MTV's first look at the pop superstar to be. Ergo, Yukon High School Class of 2005 is the reason Taylor Swift transitioned away from country to pop superstardom. Thanks MTV, Ashley, and Richard for paving the way for T-Swift!