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This Dad Lost His House Keys And You Won't Believe How He Found Them

This is like a Dateline mystery but with toddlers.

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You know those command centers that are so popular on Pinterest?

Pinterest

Well, my wife and I made one and we like it — especially because it’s a convenient place to hang our keys.

Spohr/BuzzFeed

But we made a HUGE mistake — we put the key hooks low enough that our 3-year-old could reach them.

CBS

So... story time... a few weeks ago I was getting ready to leave when I saw — dun dun dun — my keys were gone!

NBC

I retraced my steps and looked in my pockets, but no keys.

I asked my wife and 7-year-old daughter if they knew where my keys were, but they were like:

NBC

Finally, knowing the hook was low enough for my three-year-old to reach, I interrogated him. His response? "Keys are for doors!"

Fox

“Yes," I said. "Do you know where MINE are? Did you take them off the hook?” And he said, “Keys make cars go vroom!”

Warner

This had me like:

VH1

So I searched the ENTIRE house for days. Under the couch, in closets, in shoes, you name it.

Hanna-Barbera Productions

BUT NO KEYS!

I even came up with scenarios, like “What if THE DOG did it? What if the keys got knocked off the hook and she picked them up and hid them in her cage?!”

knowyourmeme.com

But when I crawled into her cage… NO KEYS.

At that point I realized I wasn't going to find my keys any time soon.

WB

Making do, I found the spare key to my car and went with that (which meant that I had to manually open my car door without the key fob — oh the humanity.)

Fox

And because I no longer had a house key my wife had to let me in every day.

NBC

One time I got home before her and I had to sit in the car for five minutes waiting. OH THE HUMANITY, PART II!

But then…BUT THEN…

A couple nights ago I woke at 3 a.m. to hear my three-year-old crying, “Daddy! Daddy!” I raced into his room and discovered he'd had a night terror.

Pixar/Disney

Upon seeing me he cried out, “Daddy in bed with me!” He looked frightened, so I got in and let him cuddle up.

MTV

Picture the above but with, like, a 3-year-old.

This calmed him down, and right before he fell back to sleep he said, “Daddy keys in green chair.” I was like, “WHAT?!”

Paramount

But before he could say any more he dozed off.

The next morning I asked him, “Which green chair has the keys?” He then took me to this rarely-used chair in our living room, lifted up the cushion, and...

Spohr/BuzzFeed

THERE WERE MY MOTHER#$@&ING KEYS!!!

VH1

Once the euphoria wore off I had a lot of questions, like: Did he know the keys were there this WHOLE time?

Disney

Not only that, but did he know the keys were there but said nothing every single time I’ve complained about not having my keys over these last THREE WEEKS?

Or did he forget he hid them and just remembered recently?

Marvel

(I’m hoping this is the case.)

Why did he finally tell me where they were when he did?

Harpo Productions

Was he like, “Hey, dad is being cool about this night terror thing, so maybe I’ll do him a solid and finally tell him where I hid the keys.”

HBO

If this is true, I truly fear the teenage years.

Long story short — and in conclusion:

NBC

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