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19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

“Gee, Principal Stevens, I have absolutely no idea where she learned that.”

1. To look at strangers with an incredibly serious expression and whisper, "I see dead people."

Buena Vista Pictures

2. To cross their eyes.

3. To pass gas while doing a karate kick and singing, "Everybody was kung-fu farting!"

AndreyKaderov / Via

4. To reply "a ladies' man" when someone asks them what they're going to be when they grow up.

5. Or to answer the same question with a Monty Python-esque, "I want to be a lumberjack!"

Flickr: ritcheyer / Via Creative Commons

6. To blow bubbles in milk.

7. To shake their head and say, "I am not amused."

Kenishirotie / Via|Kenishirotie

8. To perform the timeless classic, "pull my finger."

9. To say, "Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty."

Flickr: groupon


10. To bend their index finger and say "REDRUM! REDRUM! REEEEDDDDD RRRUUUUMMMMM!"

Warner Bros.

11. To do the classic "remove your thumb" trick.

12. To recite this little gem:

Warner Bros.

13. To make this magic happen.

Not to mention: "Oh hELL"

14. To use "air quotes."

15. To reply, "Joey doesn't share food" whenever anyone asks them for a bite of their food.

Flickr: josephers / Via Creative Commons

16. To unleash a rip-roaring armpit fart.

17. To make a spoon stick on their nose.

Flickr: pasfam / Via Creative Commons

18. To show a little attitude.

19. To welcome new people by saying, “Greetings, human… if indeed you are human.”

Flickr: cuppojoe_trips / Via Creative Commons

H/T to The Straight Dope.

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