1. How hard it was giving birth.
Be sure to make a big deal about how long you were in labor, and how incredibly painful it was.
2. All of the diapers you changed.
Ugh. You changed so many diapers, including a blowout or two on the side of the road without any wipes.
8. Every single one of the presents you gave them.
When your kids are older, they’ll undoubtedly know Santa didn’t really bring them all those presents, but you should spell it out for them anyway. This goes double for that doll from Frozen. That thing was impossible to find.
11. How your relationship changed because of them.
In 30 years, after you’ve had a little too much to drink at Thanksgiving, you can be forgiven if you say, “We used to make love in the living room when we were first married, but that stopped after you kids came.”
12. The times they peed their pants in public.
Were you not their savior by cleaning them up, getting them fresh clothes, and saving them from further embarrassment? You deserve props for that ad infinitum.
13. The embarrassing things they said in public.
They embarrass you once, you embarrass them for the rest of your life. Sounds fair.
16. Their embarrassing crushes.
Your kids made you listen to the Biebs constantly, and what did you get in return? Nothing. Nothing, that is, until they’re old enough for a little good-natured ribbing.
20. All of their teenage drama.
Like you’re not going to remind your kid about the time they screamed, “I hate you!” and slammed the door so hard the hinges came off. As if.
21. How much they made you worry.
Your kid put you through hell when they didn’t call or text for hours. Now it’s your turn by bringing this up over and over.
22. Every ridiculous tantrum they threw in public.
Little-known fact: The reason people stop having tantrums is because their parents keep bringing up the ones they had as kids.
24. The sulking they did on trips that, in hindsight, were undeniably awesome.
They pretty much ruined your trip to London by spending it in a huff the whole time, so it’s fair to make fun of them whenever “London” is mentioned for the remainder of your life.
Will you really need to remind your kids of all this stuff? Nah. But there is one thing you’ll want to make sure they know:
25. How much you love them.
They’ll already know, but you can never say it enough.
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