1.
Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY Me: good job! Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES Me: i’m proud of you Toddler: AND N… https://t.co/qLm2qwQsqO
2.
Helping your kids with their math homework is a good way to teach them about math and swear words.
3.
You're going to miss this, I whisper to myself as I'm shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.
4.
Top three artifacts lost to history: 3) Blackbeard's treasure 2) Amelia Earhart's airplane 1) My 3-year-old's other shoe
5.
My daughter put on a princess dress and asked if I had any "play pretend" outfits so I put on workout clothes.
6.
[At parent teacher conference] Teacher: She's really doing great. Keep doing whatever you're doing. Me, internall… https://t.co/knp4Pfn2E8
7.
Alexa, feed my kids.
8.
After presenting my son with a stack of gifts for his birthday, he responded with, "Is that it?" so yeah, parenthood is pretty rewarding.
9.
Before I had kids, I thought I had a great immune system, but it turns out I was just really good at staying away f… https://t.co/yiwRcB8Sq9
10.
Who is the never-seen-figure who is funding Paw Patrol, and why are they investing billions in ridiculous equipment… https://t.co/D84AfDnQ4b
11.
Just saw a toddler swipe a fish tank because he was ready to watch something else.
12.
Me: Looks like it's time to play everyone's favorite game! Kids: *clapping and cheering excitedly* Husband: No on… https://t.co/UbQPIQLfp4
13.
Every picture I have of my two-year-old is of him walking towards the camera asking if he can see the picture
14.
How my daughter woke me up this morning: “Mommy, so boys have seeds hiding in their bellies and they spit it out a… https://t.co/vCNjnP1OPS
15.
Them: what’s parenthood like? Me: I spent my Saturday evening picking every bit of parsley off dinner so tiny peop… https://t.co/FrBiiKglq3
16.
My baby cried for me when I walked in the room. She didn't want mommy, she wanted ME! She farted the moment I pick… https://t.co/Xi9795mvZL
17.
Dads, don’t tell your daughters they are “pretty”. Tell them they’re strong. Tell them they’re smart. Tell them the… https://t.co/rSiU0GhdRx
18.
Saved my kid's life today by yelling ARE YOU OKAY from a different room
19.
motherhood be like: