1. Moe @_Mo_lee_ Daughter: You're invading my personal space Mom: You came out of my personal space 06:58 PM - 08 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Steps babies take to learn about the world: 1) look 2) touch 3) smell 4) taste 5) destroy 10:30 PM - 20 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. 02:18 PM - 07 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Tim @Playing_Dad [At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food* 12:39 AM - 03 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Valerie @ValeeGrrl Running away after dropping the kids at grandma's house like 02:48 PM - 15 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Amy Dillon @amydillon When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was. 01:44 PM - 06 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Simon Holland @simoncholland Let's get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late. 12:26 PM - 27 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Mom Psychologist @mompsychologist 5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would "have a piece of cheese and calm down" So, yeah, she's mine. 01:12 AM - 14 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Papa Does Preach @Papa_Preaches Having kids is like living with an on-line troll you can't unfollow. 02:01 PM - 23 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Tara Brown @Faux_Ma My family thinks short term memory loss is adorable when a fish has it in Finding Dory, but when I have it, "Mommy has a drinking problem". 04:23 AM - 21 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. The ParentNormal @ParentNormal VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year 04:01 PM - 12 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 @3sunzzz My husband and I talked about getting a divorce, but neither one of us wants the kids. 02:13 PM - 25 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Kalvin @KalvinMacleod Do you have to go to the bathroom? No You sure? Yes How about now? No Now? No [movie begins] Daddy? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD 01:04 AM - 09 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Madame Mumsie @MUMSIEesq 3YO: MOMMY HELP HELP! ME *throws cat off lap, drops phone, spills coffee on self, runs up stairs, kicks open door* 3YO: I want a snack. 02:38 PM - 17 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Mike Reynolds @EverydayGirlDad My daughter took a three minute nap today which apparently means she never needs to sleep again. 11:41 PM - 15 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal. 03:06 PM - 22 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Valerie @ValeeGrrl Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too 05:26 PM - 19 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Downtime Dad @DowntimeDad "No man in his own home should have to choose between Frozen or Barbie band-aids" I yell to no one in particular. 12:36 AM - 17 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom Parenting is fun if you're into things like cooking for people who aren't hungry. 03:16 PM - 09 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Master of Mediocrity @charliedelta7 7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me. 02:20 AM - 13 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Salty Mermaid @Jenn_H_Scott New plan. Instead of exercising & eating better, I'm just going to tell everybody I'm 4 months pregnant. For the rest of my life. 07:00 PM - 23 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite For more Best of 2016 content, click here!