1. Behold, the most relatable tweet on the internet:
me: i’ll make omelette *flips the omelette* me: i’ll make scrambled egg
2. This one is pretty damn relatable too:
What should I eat tonight ……. The groceries i spent $100 on or order in pad thai for the 5th time this week?
3. Don't you hate (er, love) it when this happens?
Darn it! I was trying to fix a salad and it came out as a peach cobbler again!
4. "Have kids," they said. "It'll be fun," they said...:
asked my 5-year-old what she wanted for dinner and she said “not a burned quesadilla” bc in the summer of 2019 I overcooked one side of her quesadilla
5. Here's hoping he didn't order a wet burrito:
not sure i want this burrito anymore
6. That must've been one helluva a burrito:
I ate that burrito so fast I'm worried it's just gonna come out whole.
7. I want to know the answer to this too:
What is the psychology behind folks desire to leave the tails on shrimp in pasta ? 😭
8. Having lived through the '80s, I can confirm this:
For about three straight years in the late 1980s, the only dinner eaten in America was spaghetti and meatballs, supermarket garlic bread, and an iceberg lettuce salad.
9. I love sushi so I'm just gonna nod along to this one:
doesn’t sushi technically get cooked in ur stomach acid
10. Hummus...we thank you:
the way hummus is singlehandedly carrying all us through our 20s... i know she tired
11. Dreams do come true, folks:
I just made a triple stack quesadilla. Just wanted you all to know. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.
12. Bold food opinion #1:
ppl who eat sweet potato fries are doing it for attention
13. Bold food opinion #2:
If the chocolate chip cookie doesn’t look like it might give me salmonella I don’t want it
14. Bold food opinion #3
grilled cheese is a lie, the bread is grilled. grill the cheese, coward.
15. And bold food opinion #4:
Fajitas are just tacos for people who crave attention
16. I once saw a vending machine in Texas that dispensed nothing but full-sized pecan pies, but this is just as unforgettable:
Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the 24-hour cheese vending machine, for all your fondue and raclette needs. People of Switzerland, please come up to the stage and take a bow.
17. LOL, it was a different time:
Sliced bread was invented in 1928. People in 1927:
18. Can we get this idea onto a ballot somewhere and passed into law?
they should give you bread before stuff everywhere, not just at restaurants
19. Speaking of premeal bread:
@sIicksista Me at the table waiting for them to bring my bread:
20. Well played, genie:
genie: you get 3 wishes me: i want a swimming pool filled with guacamole genie: done. you have 1 wish left me: wait i thought i had 2 genie: guac is extra
21. Sometimes, mistakes are made in the kitchen, exhibit A:
I forgot to put water in my ramen
22. Exhibit B:
six year anniversary of me falling asleep with a frozen pizza in the oven and waking up to this
23. And exhibit C:
throwback to the time i thought the pakora batter in the fridge was waffle batter so i ended up having a pakora waffle
24. It's sort of like when 5-year-olds ask for "peanuts":
Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.
25. I'm team tomato, but...:
H0W TO EAT A BURGER Step 1: Open bun and remove tomatoe slice
26. I'm also team pineapple:
"Pineapples dont belong on" is that a mf cheeseburger ?!
27. OK, yuck it up, but have you melted it on a burger?
calling this "american cheese" is such a self-own
28. If you eat your steak well done, you might want to skip this one:
I’m not going to dinner with people who eat well done steak no more. Y’all be shaking the whole fucking table tryna cut a hockey puck 😒
29. Now there is an idea:
Mike's Hard Chicken Noodle Soup
30. No lies detected:
A Caesar salad gon do what needs to be done everytime
31. They're definitely not ok:
U ok baby? You’ve barely touched your frog sushi
32. Sorry, dad:
Lmfao my dad just cussed me clean out cause i said i was making pancakes and put this on his plate. 😭
33. There is too much truth in this one:
Grilled cheese is made by burning one side and then nervously undercooking the other.
34. In fairness, these are never easy to fit in the fridge:
“Honey, put the pizza in the fridge before you go to bed.”
35. Reporting for duty, sir:
I would go to war for chicken tikka masala with a side of garlic naan. Do not test me on this
36. Enough has definitely been said, Lana:
Here’s the thing: I could absolutely go and work out... OR I could eat the quiche in my fridge and lay down... I feel like enough has been said?
37. And lastly, I agree with this tweet 100,000,000%:
This how you supposed to eat your waffles