1. "Don't hoard! Even Noah took only two of each."
2. "Trespassers will be baptized, frequent trespassers will be sent away on mission."
3. "Too hot to keep changing sign. Jesus good, sin bad. Details inside."
4. "God loves you more than Kanye loves Kanye."
5. "Wash hands, do not touch face, Hygenesis 24:7"
6. "God expects spiritual fruit, not religious nuts."
7. "Adultery is a sin. You can't have your Kate and Edith too."
8. "I wish Noah had swatted those two mosquitos."
9. "Whoever is praying for rain can stop."
10. "Thou shalt not park without authorization or thou shalt be towed."
11. "Prophecy class cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances."
12. "Honk if you love Jesus, text while driving if you want to meet him."
13. "Blah blah blah just go to church."
14. "Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted."
15. "We're all about dat grace, 'bout dat grace, no devil!"
16. "Staying in bed screaming 'Oh God' does not constitute going to church."
17. "Free A/C!!! Sundays 9:00 and 10:30 a.m."
