Listen, here me out...you should probably throw your phone into the ocean. From now on, you should exclusively communicate by carrier pigeon, smoke signals, or even face-to-face. But not — God help you — via text message.
Why? Because you DO NOT want to risk sending a text as cringey and regrettable as the ones sent by:
1.This subtle-as-a-sledgehammer guy who REALLY wants this woman to know he fought in Afghanistan (did I mention he fought in Afghanistan? Yeah, he fought in Afghanistan):
2.And this guy whose gross sexism is somehow the least cringey part of his text:
3.This car salesman who accidentally sent this message to the person he was trying to sell a car to:
4.This dad who — oh dear God — accidentally sent this text to his 14-year-old son instead of his wife:
5.And this wife who accidentally sent this sext to her mother-in-law (who already disliked her) instead of her hubby:
6.This married creeper who tried to pick up the person who delivered their food order:
7.And this food delivery person who got weird:
8.This well-intentioned person who nonetheless put their foot all the way in their mouth:
9.And this less well-intentioned dude who accidentally texted the girl he was headed to see instead of his buddy:
10.This obnoxious gatekeeping vegan:
11.This eavesdropping low-thario who tried picking up a girl he sits behind in class:
12.And this person who came on real strong, real fast:
13.This "alpha" who didn't take getting rejected well:
14.This coworker who took a conversation about not having a car to a weird and very awkward place:
15.This obnoxious jerk on a dating app who is the definition of RED FLAG:
16.This angry dweeb who didn't take well to being given a fake number:
17.And this girl who gave a fake number and had it blow up in her face a year later:
18.This "not to be sexist" texter who was — shocker — totally sexist:
19.This person who ended a situation in an awkwardly cold way:
20.And this girlfriend who went all aggro on a girl trying to get class notes from her boyfriend:
21.This guy who — after seeing this woman in his wife’s “suggested friends” section on Facebook — googled her and used her business number to send this text:
22.This texter who kept things very mysterious and very awkward:
23.This jerk who doesn't quite understand why dating is impossible for him:
24.This person who tried real hard to backtrack on their text:
25.And Nathan — haha — whose game he plays with girls is not the catnip he thinks it is, like it's absolutely the opposite:
