It pretty much goes without saying that 2020 was a hard year to be a parent. Between homeschooling our kids, being with them 24/7, and trying to keep them happy through this miserable year, it was a lot!
But the good news is that all of this adversity inspired parents to write a whole lot of very, very funny tweets! So with no further ado, here are the 50 funniest parenting tweets of 2020:
1.
I told my daughter to grab her mask so we can go to the store. This was the mask she grabbed.
2.
Hypnotist: [crying in a corner] why aren’t you getting sleepy!? 3 year old: I’m thirsty
3.
Kids really overestimate how much parents want to guess things.
4.
Thoughts and prayers for my son who thought it would be funny to tell me “I’ll get to it when I get to it, woman”
5.
My son lost his tooth yesterday and I go to his room last night to grab the tooth in exchange for some $$$... And this is the message he wrote... 😒😒😒 with full on instructions 🤦🏾♂️🙄🤣
6.
We’ve been getting a meal kit service and 9yo has been gamely trying all of it, but the other day it was salmon, which I knew he’d never eat, so I made him chicken fingers from frozen instead. He was like “WOW, is this hello fresh? This is INCREDIBLE.”
7.
My son got hungry so I gave him a snack. His teacher is gonna say how he can’t eat and before I knew it, I yelled from the kitchen “Girl, he is at home honey!” & then there was silence.......
8.
My 2 year old and 4 year old have been communicating via walkie talkie for twenty minutes. They're in the same room. The walkie talkies have no batteries. Over.
9.
Lost my temper with my daughter because she wouldn't get dressed, and told her she couldn't come downstairs until she'd changed out of her pyjamas. She's just changed into ANOTHER PAIR OF PYJAMAS.
10.
me: *turns to face son in the back seat* you have until sunday to get your shit together boy
11.
If I learned just one thing as a parent, it’s that by the 3rd kid they can be juggling samurai swords and hand grenades and you won’t care as long as they’re doing it quietly.
12.
My youngest hacked our Netflix parental code. She put light grease on the remote and got me to input the code when she wasn’t looking. Then she noted the numbers I’d pressed and went through the combinations later. I’m both frightened and impressed.
13.
Took my kids to the pediatrician yesterday and I told her we’ve barely left the house in 5 months and then she looked at me in all seriousness and asked how much screen time they were getting. I mean... c’mon, lady, read. the. room.
14.
So evidently our 13 year old thought "primadonna" meant anyone born before Madonna (i.e. pre-Madonna). Please send oxygen. We cannot stop laughing. 😂😂😂
15.
*5 yo on her kindergarten Zoom class* Teacher: "So what do you do before joining our Zoom class?" 5yo: "My mommy hits me and says 'do good!" Me, no make-up, bagel crumbs on my face, unexpectedly joining the Zoom class: "SHE MEANS I HIGH FIVE HER HAND!!!"
16.
My dumb ass logged my son into his Zoom class and I ain’t have no shirt on Lmaoo all I heard was 15 Lil ass voices saying ewwwww
17.
Me: (on toilet) Sweety, mommy needs privacy when she pees 3: ok (closes door and stands next to me with the dog) Me: 3: we private now
18.
My son has a Thomas the Train bed and now I’ll never sleep again
19.
My total was $129 at target and my kid was like “I can put this back” lmao GIRL $1.29 for your snickers bar isn’t gonna fix this 😂
20.
Every time I tell my daughter I love her, she responds with, “I love daddy,” which is toddler speak for go fuck yourself, mama. Hashtag blessed.
21.
My son asked me what does WiFi stand for & I told him it's named after its inventor William Filliam
22.
My 5-year-old asked me what a poop hole does. After an impromptu lesson on the digestive system, I realized he actually said “pupil.” Next lesson: Enunciation
23.
My daughter is crying because her sister farted and I sprayed air freshener before she had a chance to sniff it. I’m raising savages.
24.
My son who has just learned how babies are made looked at me and my husband then at his two brothers and said ‘you guys had three sexes right’ so sometimes having kids is kind of alright
25.
Can anyone recommend a good wine that pairs well with a teenager's shitty attitude?
26.
My 8 year old daughter just yelled “Oh no the toilet is smoking!!” My wife and I ran to the bathroom to find this. It’s just day 4 of home school.
27.
Quarantine without kids = staycation Quarantine with kids = hostage situation
28.
Isolation’s going well
29.
My daughter split 96 in half and got a number in the 400s... IF YOU GOT 6 FCKIN APPLES
30.
Does anyone have directions to that village everyone says will raise my children? It sounds wonderful.
31.
My son asked my 7yo how she would survive a bear attack and she replied she would try to be his friend, thus making her the most adorable of my children but also the least likely to survive an encounter with an actual bear.
32.
My teenager thinks we live in a hotel now!
33.
love shack just came on and my son asked “is that john mulaney?” i’m crying
34.
Y’all my daughter asked why we grow hair on our private parts and I was like “idk baby that’s a good question” & she sits on my bed dead serious & goes “maybe it was just God adding little details” 🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
35.
telling my 6 year old about homeschooling for the next couple months and he asked if i had to do that when i was a kid and i said no and then he asked if chairs were even invented yet, so i think the first thing we’ll study is his fucking attitude.
36.
Kid in my son’s class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has “the pretty mom and the other mom.” She described each to me in some detail. Reader, both are me.
37.
My kid asked if that lady is tiny.
38.
My daughter just asked me if my boobs were ever round. In case you’re wondering about some of the ways motherhood crushes your soul.
39.
I want my 13 year old to understand how important honesty is but also know that she is 12 when kids eat free.
40.
Our homeschooling curriculum includes: Honors Laundry and AP Vaccumming.
41.
My daughter came in the room saying we need to talk. Then proceeded to say “I know you don’t whoop us. But I think you need to start whooping my brother”
42.
My daughter had a Zoom class yesterday. The teacher's internet went out, so one of the kids was made the default host. He muted everyone, pretended to teach the class, and then just said "fart" over and over until the teacher was able to join back. It was amazing.
43.
Why is my son sleeping on the floor like this? LMFAO
44.
If my son wants apple juice, I give him half water and half apple juice but the juice I buy is already watered down. The first time this kid has a glass of full sugar apple juice he’s gonna fucking powerbomb me through our coffee table.
45.
My kid wrote a song called, “I Wonder What’s Inside your Butthole” Quite honestly, it slaps.
46.
5-year-old: Do I have to fall in love someday? Me: No. 5: Good. I have stuff to do.
47.
my daughter is making a convincing argument that egg should be spelled “eg” and that the second “g” should only be used to describe really big eggs
48.
My son just asked me if I when I was little I had to stay inside for COVIDs 1 through 18
49.
My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
50.
My dad has been doing a huge amount of childcare for us in quarantine so I’m delighted to announce my 1-year old baby gestures and shrugs like a 64-year old Jewish man.