1. Your kid will cry out for you the most on nights you stay up a little later than usual.
2. At some point you will accidentally hurt your kid and feel like the worst parent ever.
3. Going to the bathroom in peace will become a thing of the past.
All I ask for is one time. ONE TIME can I please go to the bathroom without a head peaking in! #momlife #momproblems
4. It'll be way too easy to gain a little weight.
5. If you co-sleep with your toddler, you shouldn't expect to have much room.
6. The back of your car will be a disaster.
7. On a related note — you should always think twice before offering anyone a ride.
8. Babies’ heads are magnetically attracted to doorways.
9. You’ll basically become a ninja.
10. Despite your best efforts, your kids will get their hands on your iPhone.
11. You will have to sneak treats like they're a contraband substance.
12. You will laugh more than at any other time in your life.
13. You will need to get used to seeing unflattering photos of yourself.
14. You’ll be awakened at 2 a.m. to fetch a glass of water only to find your kid passed out when you deliver it.
15. Make your kid try to pee (whether they say they need to or not) whenever you leave a place with a toilet.
16. Folding kid and baby clothes is torture.
17. The power of cute is more formidable than you realize.
18. You will eat 95% of your meals either incredibly fast or with one hand. Or both.
19. You will find talking to your friends without kids more difficult.
20. Your kid will probably break something important of yours.
21. You'll probably come across one of your kid's dolls randomly in the middle of the night and it will shake you to the core.
22. You will turn into your parents.
23. The knock-off American Girl doll clothes at Target are WAY cheaper and your kid will love them.
24. Your dancing will henceforth be forever referred to as “dad dancing” or "mom dancing."
25. You won’t be able to watch movies where kids are killed or kidnapped.
26. Take toys your kid has lost interest in and put them in a box in the closet. Later, when your kid is bored, pull out the box and let your kid go “toy shopping.”
27. You won’t want to spend money on yourself because you’ll know every dollar spent on yourself is a dollar you could’ve spent on your family.
28. Buying your kid something will make you way happier than buying yourself something.
29. Never give your toddler your phone without putting it on guided access.
30. When your kid is little, every trip out of the house will feel like getting ready to go to the airport.
31. Try to take it in stride when your kid says something rude like, “Why do you have so many more gray hairs than Tommy’s mommy/daddy?”
32. You will love to watch kids’ movies.
33. If you have a boy and a girl, people will ask you if you’re “done,” and if you have two of the same sex people will ask if you’re “going to go for a girl/boy.”
34. You will cram your entire adult life between the time your kid goes down and the time you go to sleep.
“Quick! Turn on This Is Us! Pour the wine! Tell me what you think about the day's news! Ah, crap. It’s time for bed.”
35. You’re going to get kicked in the crotch…a lot.
36. For a while, only you will be able to understand your kid, so you will basically become their interpreter.
37. Once your kid tastes a super sugary cereal, the jig is up.
38. At some point your kid will say something in public that hugely embarrasses you.
39. Your kid will almost always rat you out to their other parent.
40. If you tell your kids that foods like broccoli and Brussels sprouts will make them pass gas, theyʼll suddenly be interested in eating them.
41. Don’t let your kid fall asleep within five minutes of getting home or they’ll be up for hours.
42. You will never be able to go to a McDonald’s with a Playland and leave without your kid playing in it.
43. Before you decide to make a cake you saw on Pinterest for your kid's birthday party (or treats for a school event), remember — recreating Pinterest gems is harder than it looks.
44. Getting two kids to look at the camera at the same time is nearly impossible.
45. Synchronized naps are a myth.
46. When your kid starts school they will bring home way more artwork than you will know what to do with.
47. It will be almost impossible to get your kid to tell you how their day went.
48. If you say something sarcastic — like that you love being your kid’s chauffeur — they will think you mean it.
49. A fun thing to do is to make up a handshake or phrase of endearment you only use with your kid and no one else.
50. And lastly, it’s all worth it.
