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37 All Too Real Things Every Parent Says

"Stop licking the window!"

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1. Where's your diaper?!

2. You need to walk. I can't always carry you everywhere.

3. Stop flushing the toilet!

4. These chicken nuggets taste the same as the ones shaped like dinosaurs.

5. It’s not a bug. It’s a piece of pepper.

6. There is nothing weird about it. It's regular mac and cheese.

7. Why are you crying?

8. Remember, Santa’s watching you.

9. I don't care if Grandma let you eat ice cream five minutes before bed.

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10. Put your butt on the chair!

11. Put down the marker!

12. We don’t touch ourselves there in public.

13. That’s not food!

14. Please stop. I’m so, so tired.

15. That’s it! No more stories! Go to sleep!

16. Why are you wiggling like that? Do you need to go to the bathroom?

17. The hand blower doesn’t want to hurt you. It just wants to dry your hands.

18. Where’s your other shoe?

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19. Use your words!

20. Where did you see it last?

21. There! The foods aren’t touching anymore! You can eat it!

22. No, that was your last five minutes. It’s time to go!

23. You have to actually move the toothbrush to clean your teeth.

24. Do you really have to hang out in the bathroom while I do this?

25. Yes, when I was a kid they had television.

26. No, we didn't have iPads.

27. Stop licking the window!

28. No, you can’t sleep on the couch.

29. Give me back my phone. Now. Hey! Come back here!


30. I just looked under your bed and in the closet. No monsters, I promise.

31. The ice cream shop is closed today.

32. We'll come back another time.

33. Put it back!

34. You need to use soap when you wash your hands.

35. Get up off the ground!

36. If you play "Uptown Funk" one more time I am going to lose my mind.

37. I love you to the moon and back.