1. Your baby bag no longer looks like the Goodyear blimp.
And now you actually remember to pack diapers!
2. When you choose to stay up late it’s with the full knowledge that you’ll be a zombie the next day.
But hey, sometimes your mental health requires a little binge watching of TV shows without talking animals.
4. You no longer freak out when your kid falls down.
You’re like, “You’re okay.” (sips coffee)
6. You no longer have a “Level 10” breakdown when you have to cut your baby’s nails.
Now it’s like level 6 or 7… because that shit’s still nervewracking.
10. You don’t get embarrassed easily anymore.
“What’s that? I’m wearing sweatpants in public with spit-up on them? So I am.”
11. You don’t tell your kid about plans until right before they happen.
This way you avoid nuclear meltdowns caused by statements like, “I know I said we were going to Frozen On Ice, but I’m afraid it’s sold out.”
13. When you say it’s time to go and your kids whine you’re like:
18. You don’t like to brag, but when it comes to peekaboo you’re basically a rock star.
Do babies laugh when you play peekaboo? Does the earth circle the sun?
20. You’re an expert on children’s books, too, and know which ones to suggest when you don’t have much time.
When your show starts in five minutes: “We’re reading Goodnight Moon!”
22. You can brush someone else’s teeth just as well as your own.
It doesn’t even matter if your kid is squirming like a toad.
23. You have the “parent tone” down cold.
24. And the “parent look.”
Your kids better not play with you.
25. Your arms are shockingly strong.
Your “guns” may not look like a bodybuilder’s, but over the course of a day you lift way more pounds (in kids) than they do.
27. When your kids say they don’t like the dinner you made it’s no longer the gut punch it used to be.
28. Other parents have started to ask YOU for advice.
At first you were like, “You don’t want to ask me,” but then you realized you know your stuff.
29. Lastly, you have more confidence as a parent than you ever dreamed possible.
You’ve got this.
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- Frank Ocean just released a new, auto-tune inspired song called "Lens" on Blonded Radio, his Beats 1 show 🎤