Parents·Posted on Apr 20, 201923 Hilariously Dumb Tweets That Are Perfect In How Stupid They AreGuaranteed to shave off a few I.Q. points.by Mike SpohrBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail You, of course, are an incredibly erudite and sophisticated individual. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF But even the smartest people can enjoy a dumb tweet, amirite? So sit your brilliant butt down and enjoy these sublimely stupid groaners: 1. ghost mom @radtoria Son, it's time I told you about the Applebirds and the Applebee's. *pumps a mozzarella stick through an onion ring until we get kicked out* 06:28 AM - 21 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Kellen @captainkalvis scientist: dick bug other scientist: no scientist: penis beetle other scientist: no scientist: cock roach other scientist: ok sure 07:50 PM - 05 Apr 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Ygrene @Ygrene [dolphin taking scantron test] A B C D E 1. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 2. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 3. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 4. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 5. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 08:19 PM - 21 Mar 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Ben @0point5twins *knock knock* "Sir, this is the police, open the door immediately" "But I'm having a poo" "We know sir, the phone box has glass sides" 09:41 PM - 10 Sep 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Ray 🦔 @SirEviscerate Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun. *misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag* 10:36 PM - 03 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Jack Viera @okimstillhungry 🎶Welcome to the jungle We've got lots of trees We've got everything you want If that thing is trees🎶 05:39 PM - 20 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. john @mrjohndarby me: I've got a date tonight and I need all the help I can get barber: ok [later] her: you look nice barber, from under the table: tell her she looks nice too 10:44 PM - 03 Mar 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Mowgli @Holy_Mowgli BOSS: I want that report on my desk by friday [1 a.m. thursday night] ME (typing frantically): the surface is smooth, polished mahogany. top left drawer sticks a bit. corner is a little chipped 12:30 AM - 21 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Bad Kyle @KyleMcDowell86 Judge: You're out of order! Lawyer: This whole court room is out of order! *I burst in* Me: THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE LOBBY IS OUT OF ORDER 04:25 PM - 09 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. 🇺🇸Frank Whitehouse 🇺🇸 @WheelTod [Funeral] Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?" Widow: "Please do" Me *clears throat: "Plethora!" Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot." 02:01 PM - 03 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Steve vs Ninjas @stevevsninjas TSA agent: Please remove all footwear [moments later] TSA agent: Not mine, sir 05:44 PM - 20 Mar 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Bison @McGrumpenstein POLICE OFFICER: I won’t ticket you, but — and this is a big but... SIR MIX-A-LOT: I like where this is going 11:40 PM - 18 Mar 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Ginger @gingerBFG Baby shoes doo doo doo-doo do-doo Baby shoes doo doo doo-doo do-doo Baby shoes Shoes for sale doo doo doo-doo do-doo Shoes for sale doo doo doo-doo do-doo Shoes for sale Never worn doo doo doo-doo do-doo Never worn doo doo doo-doo do-doo Never worn 03:37 AM - 14 Apr 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Mowgli @Holy_Mowgli ALEX TREBEK: this accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics ME: *spraying a mouthful of popcorn* WHAT IS A DOORKNOB 05:34 PM - 28 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. FROVO @fro_vo ME: i would like to open a checking account BANKER: would you like a savings account too? ME: no BANKER: okay, just checking 06:34 AM - 17 Nov 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Dropped Standards @rebrafsim [banging on door] Help! My son is being held hostage! They're demanding 738 plastic grocery bags or-- Me: *grabbing my bag of bags* so who's the hero now, Jen 01:24 PM - 13 Nov 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. clean slate @PleaseBeGneiss First person to eat a banana: this is not good First person to peel a banana: dude guess what 03:08 PM - 22 Mar 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Jon @ArfMeasures [closes book, slowly removes glasses, and thoughtfully cleans them with a small cloth] I honestly don't think Waldo is in there 03:47 PM - 10 Apr 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Bad Kyle @KyleMcDowell86 [wakes up with a hangover] uhh what happened last night [Carrot Top in bed beside me] Good morning [Me] Carrot Top my love, what happened 08:11 PM - 11 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. mo @chuuew ME: Can I buy some quack 😀 DRUG DEALER [who is a duck]: YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME 08:07 PM - 03 Apr 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Terry F @daemonic3 [getting urine test results] You've tested positive for opiates- ME: probably the bagel I had -and THC, cocaine, steroids, and also you're pregnant ME: it was an everything bagel 09:40 PM - 11 Apr 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Hi, it's Abby. Yep. ⚪️ @abbycohenwl She: But WHY are you breaking up with me? Please tell me honestly. He (sigh): Ok It's...your "signature sex move" She: Judgmental Corpse? 04:21 PM - 27 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Sean Leahy @thepunningman "Can I pet your dog?" Sure, his bark's worse than his bite [dog bites three fingers off] "WHAT THE" [dog barks so hard the sun explodes] 01:35 PM - 13 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite You after reading these: Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF