1. Things get put off...a while:
#Momconfession I just, 2 yrs later, bought panties to replace my maternity ones. Yes, I have been wearing maternity panties...for 2 years.
2. The truth gets stretched:
#MomConfession: when I go places, I still say Kalli is 2 so she gets in for free 😂 go on, judge me for saving $4
3. Moms are selfless, but not without vanity:
#momconfession we took two pictures at the pumpkin patch and kens smiling in the other one, but I look better in the one I posted 😂😂😂 HA HA
4. Dreams of payback are real:
I can't wait until my 5 YO is a teen, solely because I want to wake him up as unnecessarily early as possible, as payback. #MomConfession
5. This is some real #momtruth:
Nothing makes you more emotionally torn than your child coughing @ 1am. "What can I do? Maybe I can just shut the door." #momconfession
6. Some confessions raise more questions than they answer:
#Momconfession, I may or may not have at one point accidentally licked my daughters shit off of my phone unknowingly..
7. Playing Barbies is NOT a treat:
#momconfession I hate playing Barbies and dolls with my kid. I HATE it. Can I go scrub the toilets instead?
8. And neither is playing Lego:
I just gave my two-year old a second popsicle before bed to avoid making another lego house #momconfession
9. Toys "disappear" sometimes:
I just threw away my kid's singing Justin Bieber Barbie and I don't even feel bad about it. #MomConfession #WhateverMan
10. Moms are sometimes — shh! — lazy:
#MomConfession : When I'm thirsty but I'm too lazy to get up I drink Keston's juice or water from his sippy cup 😂
11. Momosas, er, mimosas are parenting aids:
My son has zero issues with me diluting his OJ with water because... he sees me add champagne to mine #momlovesmimos #momconfession #momlife
12. You wouldn't Instagram this, but...:
#MomConfession I couldn't handle any more whining so I seriously let my kids have French fries, cheetos, pickles & milk for dinner. #momlife
13. No harm, no foul:
I just dripped ice cream on my son's head and licked it off.. 😅😂#momconfession
14. Lying to your kids is sometimes key to survival:
I kinda hope my 4yo never learns to tell time so that I can continue to lie about it being bedtime when it's really 7pm. #momconfession
15. What happens on your time, stays on your time:
My mother in law took my kids so I could deep clean the house - I'm on social media instead!! Oops! #momconfession
16. Sometimes moms will do anything for a little escape:
Sometimes I vacuum to drown out the sound of my kids whining. #momconfession #oneofthosedays
17. Sometimes parenting is "Do as I say, not as I do":
Feel a tad bit guilty for drinking sugary Starbucks while feeding the baby apples and kale...#momconfession
18. Some moms are secretly straight-up anarchists:
I give my three year old sugary juice before dropping her off with people. #momconfession
19. Like we said, anarchists:
Sometimes when my kid is watching Dora, I totally root for Swiper. #momconfession #momlife
20. Mom brain is real:
I forget my kids names sometimes but I still know every word to Linger by the Cranberries #momconfession
21. And sometimes moms just need to throw something:
Almost broke my neck tripping over a transformer toy. Threw that thing right down the stairs to make myself feel better. #MomConfession