19 Things You Should Never Do When Your Partner Is In Labor

    Be cool so you're allowed to come home with the baby.

    Mike Spohr
    by Mike Spohr

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Have bad breath.

    Tri-Star Pictures

    The least you can do is hit the gift shop and pop a mint before you start wheezing "You can do it!" two inches away from her face.

    2. Take forever to get to your partner's side.

    Flickr: miggslives / Via Creative Commons

    "Well, the fourth quarter was just starting when you called so... Ow! Why are you hitting me?"

    3. Freak out.

    Universal Pictures

    Your partner will appreciate your keeping things calm as opposed to screaming, "IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?! TELL ME SHE'S GOING TO BE OK!!!!"

    4. Talk about how well your mom, sister, or ex handled labor.

    Monkeybusinessimages / Getty Images

    "My ex was amazing through her whole labor. She didn't complain, she just created life! She really, really impressed me that night, babe."

    PLEASE NOTE: The man quoted above is now dead. RIP.

    5. Talk about how animals give birth all by themselves with no nurses or hospitals.

    Flickr: wwworks / Via Creative Commons

    "Not only that, but they give birth to a whole litter! You're giving birth to just one! It should be easy!"

    PLEASE NOTE: The man quoted above is also dead. RIP.

    6. Bring unwanted people into the room.

    Flickr: clintus / Via Creative Commons

    The following scenario is just about your partner's worst nightmare:

    You: "Hey, honey! You remember my college roomie, Doug, don't you? And this is his new girlfriend, Rhonda!"

    Rhonda: "Look, Doug, she's crowning!"

    Instead of doing that, clear all guests with your partner before you bring them in. This includes your mother, FYI.

    7. Faint.

    Fox

    This happens to a lot of people, but it's a whole lot better to keep it together. After all, you're just standing there and looking at things as opposed to, you know, giving birth!

    8. Make jokes like, “Well, I guess we’ll see if it’s really mine soon!"

    20th Century Fox

    You may be nervous and think these jokes will break the tension, but all they'll do is make things even more tense, funny guy.

    9. Act more interested in your phone than what’s going on in the room.

    Flickr: carbonnyc / Via Creative Commons

    You: "How does anyone pass this level? Freaking Candy Crush!"

    Your partner: "I'm about to crush your..."

    10. Wax poetically about the amazing meal you just had in the cafeteria.

    NBC

    When your partner is stuck eating ice chips it's an especially bad time to go on and on about the lunch special.

    11. Or worse — bring a bag of smelly fast food into the room.

    Flickr: calgaryreviews / Via Creative Commons

    Do this and your partner not only has to see the food they can't eat, but later welcome their baby into the world with the lingering smell of a value meal in the air.

    12. Play the "tough coach."

    NBC

    You may motivate the kids on the Little League team you assistant coach this way, but your partner isn't going to respond quite as well.

    13. Complain that your partner is hurting your hand during contractions.

    CBS

    This is a sentence that will not go over well: "I don't think you have any idea how much pain I'm in when you squeeze it like that!"

    14. Endlessly document the labor via texts and social media.

    Flickr: truthdevelopment / Via Creative Commons

    You: "I just Vined your last contraction, honey! Hashtag I can't believe this is happening!"

    Your partner: "Try hashtag sleeping on the couch."

    15. Wait it out in the waiting room.

    4774344sean / Getty Images

    Dude, it's not the 1950s. Get in there and offer support to your partner!

    16. Comment on what’s happening… down there.

    Flickr: fromthefrontend / Via Creative Commons

    "I really don't know how it's ever supposed to go back to normal. I mean... wow."

    17. Complain about being bored or tired.

    Flickr: raruschel / Via Creative Commons

    It is a bit of an endurance test when your partner is in labor, but it's nowhere near as much of an endurance test as the one your partner is experiencing!

    18. Whine about how long it's taking.

    Lifetime

    Your partner wants to get through this more than you do, pal, so shut it.

    19. Stress out that you're not ready to have a kid.

    CBS

    It's a little late for this kind of talk... the baby is here! But you know what? If your partner still lets you see the baby after this labor experience, you're going to find that being someone's parent is one of the most amazing things you can do in life.