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19 Things Kids Have No Idea Parents Think

It's a good thing they can't read our minds.

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1. "Please, please don't let the kids walk in on us right now."


You locked the door and the kids are asleep, but you still can't relax.

2. "How long is this freaking birthday party going to go exactly?"


Your kid is having a blast, but you just spent two hours making small talk with rando parents and are ready to roll.

3. "Is this person being so nice because they find me attractive or because I'm with an adorable two-year-old?"

Tri-Star Pictures

Spoiler alert: It's the two-year-old. But that doesn't mean you don't pretend you've still got it going on.

4. "I can make it to bedtime. I can make it to bedtime. I can make it to bedtime..."

New Line Cinema

Some days you are barely holding on by a string.

5. "I didn't actually forget I said you'd get ice cream if you were good at the store."


You rolled the dice that they'd forget and lost.

6. "I sure could use some adult interaction."


When you've been with kids all day you suddenly find yourself asking the UPS guy what he thinks about the situation in the Middle East.

7. "I do not enjoy listening to you talk about Minecraft."


Same goes for the times your kid gives you a beat-for-beat breakdown of the latest My Little Pony episode.

8. "This is one crappy present."


You act like you LOVE IT!!!! but that random gift your eight-year-old picked out for you at the mall can sometimes suck.

9. "This child isn't mine."


How else do you explain a kid who says they think Back To The Future is boring or announces that they "don't like pizza."

10. "We actually do have more cookies."


But you know what? Your kids already had enough, and you need a little some some to snack on during Nashville.

11. "Why is my kid friends with that one little weirdo?"


You generally like — even love — your kid's friends, but "Mark" rubs you the wrong way.

12. "Oh, hell, no! It's Saturday morning!"


Kids think you love getting them cereal at 6:45 a.m. You don't.

13. "I have no idea what exactly this game is we're supposed to be playing."

Columbia Pictures

Thankfully, if you keep smiling and waving around the puppet/doll/toy plane your kid is perfectly happy.

14. "You're acting like a little shit right now, kid."


You love your kids more than anything in the world, but sometimes they get on your nerves way more than you let on.

15. "I'm just going to pretend I don't hear them."


This, by the way, is a totally valid response when it's four a.m. and your kid is calling out for yet ANOTHER glass of water.

16. "That inappropriate joke my kid just made was actually freaking hilarious."

Warner Bros. Television

It's your job to say, "Hey, that's not appropriate... blah, blah, blah," but on the inside you're like, "My kid is awesome."

17. "Yikes! This world is seriously messed up right now!"

Because you're an awesome parent you always make your kid feel safe, but when the outside world is a mess — as it often is these days — you're not nearly as calm on the inside.

18. "Why do you have to eat the same stuff over and over and over again?"


You get it. Your kid is five. But come on! It's time to branch out a little!

19. "Tonight I'm going to PAR-TAY!"


If your kids could see you when they're at home with the babysitter they would be very surprised. Parents turn it up!

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