1.
Parents, it's called Elf on the Shelf, not Elf on the Zipline Made of Licorice That Ends in a Punchbowl Full of Min… https://t.co/Gw3laEyCnO
2.
Believe in the magic of Christmas, I whisper to myself as I check the balance in my account.
3.
*takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree* Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?
4.
5yo: What does Santa bring if I'm bad? Me: I hear it's coal. 5yo: Is it true you can make diamonds out of coal? Me:… https://t.co/EzqiEsEvTo
5.
My son wants two $50 Lego sets for Christmas so that he can make them & then 2 days later, throw the pieces into his giant barrel of Legos.
6.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds until they had to pee get a drink show me they can whistle and ask me if birds have teeth.
7.
My 3-year-old told me Santa gets presents from space and gives them to you if you pay him money. All hail capitalist space Santa.
8.
The most challenging part of Christmas is staying up later than my kids to put the presents out.
9.
You know it's a cheap Advent calendar when a three year old spits out the chocolate.
10.
According to my kids' Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.
11.
Think you are chill and laid back? Watch your kid build and decorate a gingerbread house without intervening.
12.
Sorry kids but Santa said you can only ask for toys that are Amazon Prime eligible.
13.
*decorating the tree* 6yo: Dad, can I help? Me: Of course! First we string the lights, then we show Mommy & she tells us what we did wrong.
14.
Parenting is hard, but saying hell no to all the toys on their Christmas list that make noise is easy.
15.
Me: Santa's always watching. 8: That's creepy.
16.
Whoever decided to celebrate Christmas with breakable glass bulbs in pretty colors on a big thing you can knock ove… https://t.co/zH9wlHR28K
17.
Heck yes I want to spend all the Christmas money on a new washer & dryer and call it "our gift to ourselves."
18.
Pretty sure my son just asked Santa for a "for real life jet pack" so I guess these inflatable Buzz Lightyear wing… https://t.co/vUPC8d4pbg
19.
Christmas break isn't so bad since the sound of your kids fighting over their new toys is drowned out by the vacuum sucking up pine needles.