Parents·Posted on Sep 6, 201619 Motherfucking Funny Moms Who Are Barely Keeping It Together...or who've already lost their grip.by Mike SpohrBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Tara Brown @Faux_Ma My family thinks short term memory loss is adorable when a fish has it in Finding Dory, but when I have it, "Mommy has a drinking problem". 04:23 AM - 21 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Jenn Harrell Scott @Jenn_H_Scott 7yo: Why can't I have coffee? Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy! 12:50 PM - 13 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. ÜRSÜLÄ(S) @3sunzzz My husband and I talked about getting a divorce, but neither one of us wants the kids. 02:13 PM - 25 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Lurk @ Home Mom @LurkAtHomeMom Parenting is fun if you're into things like cooking for people who aren't hungry. 03:16 PM - 09 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids. 02:18 PM - 07 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Tired Working Mom @WorkingMom86 If you haven't used a juice box as a chaser, then you probably haven't reached your lowest point in parenting yet. 12:45 AM - 19 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Abhorrent Housewife @abhorrent_wife Apparently muttering "how about a shutthefuckupasaurus" after the 839th dinosaur question doesn't get you a Parent of the Year award. 05:30 PM - 11 Mar 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Jen Good @buriedwithkids Saturday morning wake up: 6:30am Sunday morning wake up: 5:47am Monday morning: 8:12am still sleeping & missed the bus -my kids 12:42 PM - 23 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Kim Bongiorno @LetMeStart We plan to be kind patient moms who accept our kids exactly as they are then we see them take 45 mins to eat a goddamn bowl of Lucky Charms. 11:38 AM - 18 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. inappropriate mom @nicfit75 It's fucking exhausting when my kids have their friends over and I have to act like I'm a good parent. 08:46 PM - 27 Aug 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Housewife of Hell @HousewifeOfHell Stay in school, kids. No, I mean really. Don't come home. We need a break. 04:31 PM - 02 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses Let's play a game called How Many Times Will Mommy Repeat Herself Before She Loses Her Shit? 11:26 PM - 03 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal. 03:06 PM - 22 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Valerie @ValeeGrrl What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop 09:05 PM - 17 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Lurk @ Home Mom @LurkAtHomeMom Before I had kids, I didn't even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with a granola bar. 06:33 PM - 03 Oct 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Mom Psychologist @mompsychologist Me:"If you ever give me another gift with 'some assembly required', you're dead to us." 6:*writing thank you card* But, um.. Me: Write it! 07:01 PM - 28 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Abhorrent Housewife @abhorrent_wife Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share. 05:24 PM - 27 Sep 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Moe @_Mo_lee_ Daughter: You're invading my personal space Mom: You came out of my personal space 06:58 PM - 08 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Jenn Harrell Scott @Jenn_H_Scott New plan. Instead of exercising & eating better, I'm just going to tell everybody I'm 4 months pregnant. For the rest of my life. 07:00 PM - 23 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite