We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the funniest off-the-cuff thing a dad in their life ever said, and these dads brought the LOLs:
1. "Me: 'You know the guy that wrote The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks?' Dad: 'Did he also write The Folder?'
2. "At his newborn baby's first doctor’s appointment, the the nurse told my dad, 'We will take her temperature rectally for the first year.' He replied, 'That’s a long time to have a thermometer up your butt.'”
3. "My dad and I were at a drive-thru when the drive-thru lady said our total was $7.11. My dad replied, '$7.11? I thought this was a McDonalds!' She didn't get it so my dad proceeded to explain his joke while I shrunk into the passenger seat."
4. "My name is Hannah, and when I switched majors from English to archaeology, my dad said, 'I guess that makes you Indi-Hannah Jones!'"
5. "My brother and his new wife gave my parents a framed photo of all of us from the wedding. My dad admired the photo, looking more emotional than usual, then said, 'Wow, that is an outstanding picture... because we are all out standing by the church.'"
6. "After I told my brother his insults didn't hurt me, my dad asked, 'Did you look in a mirror today?' When I said 'yes' he said, 'No wonder nothing hurts you anymore!"
7. "At a flea market someone was selling a car with cow horns mounted to the hood. My dad walked over and blew on them, then turned away and complained, 'No way am I buying that car. It’s obviously in rough shape. I blew the horn and it didn’t make a sound!'”
8. "Whenever my dad kills a fly he says, 'Know what the last thing was that went through that fly’s mind? His ass.'"
9. My dad and I have an ongoing rivalry in Mario Kart. Once I was playing as Princess Peach and threw three consecutive red shells at him. This resulted in me passing him at the finish line and him yelling, 'What a Pea-yotch!!'"
10. "I was doing smokey eye makeup when I accidentally poked myself in the eye with the mascara wand. My dad said, 'Guess it's POKEY eye makeup now!'"
11. "Back when the swine flu was a thing, my friend and I were talking about it when my dad walked in. He said, 'Well, you guys are vegetarians so you’ll probably get the toflu.'”
12. "We were looking at hot tubs at Costco when I said, 'Look at this one, it has 72 jets!' Without missing a beat my dad replied, 'Yeah, but how many Bennys does it have?'"
13. "When I was still just dating my husband his dad passed some seriously loud gas. He looked right at me and said, 'Well, I guess you're family now.'"
14. "When I was pregnant and shoveling down the antacids, my husband took the bottle and said, 'Antacids? What about “Uncle Acids?'”
15. "One Easter, in front of the entire extended family, my sister asked my dad if she was a mistake. He replied, 'You weren't then, but you are now.' Best roast I have ever heard."
16. "My dad calls ramen noodles 'Roman numerals.'”
17. "Me: 'Don’t be alarmed, dad, I’m not wearing any makeup today.' Dad: 'Me either.'"
18. "My grandfather looked me dead in the eyes while eating a croissant and said, 'I guess this makes me the 'Pastry-arch.' I groaned in physical pain for three solid minutes."
19. "My father is a licensed embalmer and owns a funeral home. Whenever I ask him a 'yes/no' question he likes to respond, 'Of corpse.'"
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Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.