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Nov 6, 2014

17 Kid Inflicted Injuries New Parents Know All Too Well

Pound for pound kids are the most dangerous people on the planet.

1. Yanking hair.

2. Delivering head butts.

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That's no accident; it's a Navy Seal quality takedown.

3. Pinching.

Flickr: theothernate / Via Creative Commons

They did it once and you screamed, so they did it again. It's kind of twisted when you think about it.

4. Eye jabbing.

5. Kicking or punching you in the privates.

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They've found your weakness and they're exploiting it.

6. Getting into dangerous situations so that you have to make a running, diving leap to save them.

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They know you won't let them get hurt, so they take extra risks.

7. Smashing your glasses into your face.

8. Biting.

9. Biting when breastfeeding.

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As if regular biting weren't painful enough, they have to up the ante and do it when you're at your most vulnerable.

10. Jumping on you when you’re not ready.

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This kind of thing is what killed Houdini.

11. Scratching.

12. Throwing things at you.

Flickr: mliu92 / Via Creative Commons

In time they'll learn it's not cool to hurl a golf ball at your mouth from two feet away, but for now...

13. Kicking you in the face as you sleep.

14. Tugging on your earrings.

Flickr: jessicafm / Via Creative Commons

They'll tug them right out if you let them. Sadistic, really.

15. Leaving out Lego bricks for you to step on.

16. Hitting you with baseball bats and swords.

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I'm pretty sure this is a felony.

17. And the most painful thing of all... being born.

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It's the mother of all baby induced pain.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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"What are the most painful ways to be hurt by kids under 3 years old?" originally appeared on Quora: The best answer to any question. Ask a question, get a great answer.

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