17 Kid Inflicted Injuries New Parents Know All Too Well

Pound for pound kids are the most dangerous people on the planet.

1. Yanking hair.

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Once they have a grip you'll practically need the jaws of life to set your hair free.

2. Delivering head butts.

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That's no accident; it's a Navy Seal quality takedown.

3. Pinching.

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They did it once and you screamed, so they did it again. It's kind of twisted when you think about it.

4. Eye jabbing.

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They've never taken a self-defense course, but have mastered the eye gouge nonetheless.

5. Kicking or punching you in the privates.

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They've found your weakness and they're exploiting it.

6. Getting into dangerous situations so that you have to make a running, diving leap to save them.

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They know you won't let them get hurt, so they take extra risks.

7. Smashing your glasses into your face.

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And then they laugh and clap their hands.

8. Biting.

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They don't consider it a true "win" unless they break the skin.

9. Biting when breastfeeding.

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As if regular biting weren't painful enough, they have to up the ante and do it when you're at your most vulnerable.

10. Jumping on you when you’re not ready.

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This kind of thing is what killed Houdini.

11. Scratching.

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They know you're afraid to cut their nails and use it to their advantage.

12. Throwing things at you.

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In time they'll learn it's not cool to hurl a golf ball at your mouth from two feet away, but for now...

13. Kicking you in the face as you sleep.

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You may toss and turn in your sleep, but they toss, turn, and attack.

14. Tugging on your earrings.

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They'll tug them right out if you let them. Sadistic, really.

15. Leaving out Lego bricks for you to step on.

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They like to play with them, but love the damage they inflict.

16. Hitting you with baseball bats and swords.

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I'm pretty sure this is a felony.

17. And the most painful thing of all... being born.

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It's the mother of all baby induced pain.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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